Morning Star
by Adela H
Summary: Twilight through Edward's point of view. Please r&r, I need to know if anything is out of canon. Chapter one is a brief history of Edward's life.
1. Chapter I: A Short History of My Life

"Dying is a wild night and a new road."

Emily Dickinson

"For love is immortality."

Emily Dickinson

Chapter One: A short history of my life

I do not know exactly what it is to die, but I do know what it feels like to be dying. I was seventeen years old when my body was racked with the Spanish Flu. I felt death hover over me, a dark cloud of dreamless nights, a sky void of sun, stars and moon. It was terrifying and yet I remember I embraced it, happily. Almost as if I wanted to die, yearned for it. But that was not to be.

Carlisle saved me, if saved could be the word. He more like prevented my body from dying. The pain I felt the next three days as his venom coursed through my veins, changing my body, my molecular makeup, was ten times as painful as dying. Carlisle says that is why I have trouble remembering my life just before the change. The pain seems to erase the most recent memories a new-born has of being human. Only those who are able to hold onto themselves during that pain remember everything.

Somehow, though, I remember the feel of death, its sweet kiss before being pulled from it.

Needless to say I was bitter after that first year of learning to control myself. The thirst I felt was almost as strong as the pain of the venom. It seemed I was always thirsty. Carlisle took me to a remote wilderness in Canada where he taught me to hunt. Soon I could down a caribou in ten seconds flat, without it ever knowing what hit it.

"The only way to keep what humanity you have left is to feed off animals." He had said.

It sounded logical, and so I did what I was told. Eventually I was able to push the thirst from the forefront of my mind, strong enough that I could live amongst humans. We did not go back to Chicago. We lived as brothers in New Hampshire where Carlisle worked as a Doctor and I went to school. He told me stories of his earlier travels, meeting with Aro, Marcus and Caius and studying in France.

He told me of his first days of being a vampire, what tremendous shame he felt as he drained a person of their blood after trying to starve himself to death. "You must drink at least every two weeks or your defenses will slowly deteriorate and your vampiric instincts will take over." He warned just before we moved into the city.

Let's say I did not feel grateful to Carlisle for "saving my life," as he puts it. He explained having been a Doctor at the hospital where my Father, Mother and I were when we contracted the Spanish Flu. She told him to save me, only he knew how. He interpreted that as "Bite my son and make him part of the living dead."

The only things I have left of my previous life is my Mother's ring, which had belonged to my paternal Grandmother, and the diamond heart pendant my Father gave her when I was born. I used to always keep them on my person but Carlisle insisted I leave them in the safe.

Money was no object for us. Over the years Carlisle made a collection of trinkets and such and discovered after a century they were worth a lot of money. He was also able to hold stock in companies over many generations, invest in banks and he even regaled me with his pirate days working under the British Crown.

"Something I _don't_ recommend." He would shudder, "Having to suck fishy blood for months at a time begins to ware on you."

I thought that perhaps it would be just Carlisle and me for the rest of eternity, living our vegetarian lifestyle, moving across the country, occasionally meeting up with other vampires who either shared, or did not share, our views on humanity. I hoped that I would be the last vampire Carlisle would ever have to create.

I was wrong.

Carlisle found Esmé in the morgue at the hospital he was working at. It was some sick, twisted version of Sleeping Beauty. He had known her at about the same time he turned me, having set a broken leg of hers when she was a young girl. After trying to commit suicide her body was thought to be dead and only a vampire could have heard the faint traces of her heart. He bit her, and she awoke.

I left at this time, having sensed the relationship beginning to form between the two people. I was angry and upset with Carlisle for ruining innocent people's chances of going to heaven. I could not believe anyone like me ever had a chance in a place like that. How could God allow a monster into such a sacred place? I would never again be reunited with family, and the thought festered within me.

I became a sort of vigilante. I stalked the dark streets of big cities, searching for those seeking to do harm to others. I thought that if I had become such a nightmare, I might as well prevent someone else's nightmare. Only the people I was "saving" seemed to be more afraid of me than those I was saving them from. I expect seeing someone leap out of the shadows and suck your would-be attacker/rapist/burglar dry of blood is a horrifying experience. Needless to say I stopped.

The living arrangements with Carlisle were changed a little. I was still his brother but now he had a wife. They seemed so happy, living within their fairy tale. I tried to not let the bitterness show. Carlisle must have had me on his mind the night he brought Rosalie home.

"She was just laying in the street, I couldn't let her die there." He explained. "I heard some loud noises, then smelled her blood. It was horrible what they did to her."

Saint Carlisle, I dubbed him. "You could have taken her to a hospital to die."

Rosalie was in the other room, going through the change. I was away when he first brought her home, and a good thing too. The smell of her blood would have sent me into a feeding frenzy. I was good around non-injured humans, but if one of them sprung a leak I high-tailed it before I had time to think.

"We'll have to leave to give her time to adjust." Carlisle said matter of factly. "I believe it's time we visit Tanya."

I was attending Juilliard at the time, studying piano composition, and was reluctant to leave. Of course I had a never-ending amount of time to study any musical instrument I chose, but I had found a certain release when playing the piano. I was able to forget for just a moment the monster I had become.

"Tanya better have a piano." I murmured, then left.

It wasn't until later I realized the ulterior motive for changing Rosalie. Carlisle thought her and I would become mates and I guess create our own little happy coven. No way was he getting rid of me that easily. He created me, he'd have to endure me.

I didn't know why I refused to choose a mate. I could tell it hurt Rosalie some when I never made any romantic overtures to her. Perhaps it was the crazy, murderous rampage she went on soon after she recovered from the change, killing her ex-fiancé (also her murderer) and his buddies. No, that didn't sicken me as much as I thought it might. For I had gone on my own little murder rampage. After refusing Tanya's advances, Rosalie kind of contented herself that I was just oblivious when it came to the female sex. I don't know, maybe I was.

I left the coven before Rosalie was finished with her transition to finish my musical training. I went to a school in Washington that had a small music department and learned from a man there who had studied in Europe. He taught me all that I know. He was old and died after only two years of working with him. He had lived a full life and how he would rest.

After Rosalie was fully recovered we moved to a small mining community in Tennesse. Carlisle, of course, worked as the Doctor at the hospital, mostly night shifts. I worked down in the mines during the day and played the piano at night. Our house was so far away from any other that no one realized the Cullen's never slept. It was a small community and we knew that this was just a temporary stop on our search for a better place. Rosalie managed to shorten our stay much more than we had anticipated.

It was her turn to bring home the dying body.

"Please change him." Was all she had said to Carlisle.

After making sure that the bear mauling would otherwise kill the boy, Carlisle bit him. Rosalie was with him the entire time. The love and patience she showed was shocking. I had never seen her act in such a selfless way before. She had been known to dress up and go to the nearest big city and walk around town basking in the admiration from the residents. Esmé didn't approve, but there really was no harm in it. It was on a return trip that she had found Emmette, dying in the woods from a bear attack.

"And then there were five." I said when Emmette awoke from his transition, thirsty as ever.

He was the toughest of us all to adjust. He seemed to accept being a vampire but having to give up the preferred food was just a little too much. Rosalie, however, managed to convince him it was the only way they could live together. He fell off the wagon a few times, but Rosalie helped him with his shame and they moved on.

And so we all had to move on. It seemed Rosalie had been seen in the woods with Emmette and there began to be talk in the neighboring communities. I had even heard the hostile thoughts of some of the men who had begun to wonder at our astonishing beauty and lack of aging.

"Forks will be the perfect place. I've heard Tanya mention it. They were going to settle there, but decided on a more secluded place in Denali. We'll be able to call it home."

Home. A vampire by rights shouldn't have a home, or a family. We were cursed to roam the world at night, searching for victims. I didn't believe we would ever fit into any society.

The town of Forks was small, with cloudy skies most days out of the year. We renovated a run down cabin in the woods, and resumed our "family" charade. Emmette hadn't finished school before Rosalie changed him, so we all enrolled in the local school. Of course it wasn't long before we had trouble.

The local Indian tribe, the Quileutes, had apparently had run-ins with vampires before, though not within living memory. A strange phenomenon happened. It seemed that young boys would change into wolves in order to protect the tribe from the "cold ones" as Carlisle had put it. There were a few fights, especially with Emmette around, but Carlisle managed to talk with their Chief.

"There is a truce." He announced, eyeing Emmette. "We will not cross onto their land, and they will not cross onto ours. As long as we are peaceful and do not bite any humans in the area, then they will not attack. Any violation of this "treaty" and they will try to take us all out."

"We can take them!" Emmette said, slamming one huge fist onto the other huge hand.

Rosalie placed her hand gently on his arm. "So we can stay?"

"Yes, for the time being."

And life moved along. After Rosalie and Emmette graduated, they got married. They bought a house on the Canadian border and honeymooned there for a month. I stayed on a little while longer, then left to go to college. It seemed I went to one college after the other during the next decade, occasionally returning to Forks to visit. But soon it was time to move on. People can ignore the fact that someone doesn't age for only so long.

I worked on my music while visiting Tanya's coven. She had gotten a baby grand piano to replace the old upright she owned. It was a beautiful instrument and while Carlisle and Esmé were on a second honeymoon of sorts on an island somewhere, I began to compose a song for her for when they returned.

Tanya would come sit on the piano bench by me and watch my fingers dance across the keys. I played sometimes all day and all night without a break. That was one of the best things of being a vampire. You could sit in one pose for however long you liked without getting sore or achy or tired. Tanya asked if I could teach her, but she really didn't have any musical talent.

Rosalie and Emmette stayed with us, mostly to hunt the bears and other large wild life in the area. It was very peaceful here, miles away from any civilization. I didn't know how they were able to seclude themselves here, away from everything, and be happy.

"Whenever we get lonely," Irina had said one evening while Tanya and Kate were out hunting. "We go into town and find someone who is as lonely as we are."

I understood at once. They sought companionship with men and what better place than Alaska to find lonely men?

When Carlisle and Esmé returned it was time to find another place to settle down and live. Carlisle chose a small town in Maine on the New Brunswick border where there was a small hospital that needed his skill as a Doctor. We left almost immediately. The charade was picked up again, only this time I started College right away instead of High School where Rosalie and Emmette went.

"He thinks he needs to do it at least one more time." Rosalie said. Emmette wasn't exactly the brightest person.

Life settled in as normally as possible. Carlisle took the night shifts because sunless days weren't as predictable here as it was back in Alaska or Washington. We got a surprise one night while Carlisle was at work.

"Can you get the door?" Rosalie's thoughts called from one of the back bedrooms where she was tutoring Emmette with the most patience in the world.

I had been playing the piano at rapid speed and hadn't even heard the door. In a flash I was at the door and opened it. On the other side was a small woman with spiky black hair and a tall man standing beside her.

"Hi, we're finally here. Would have found you sooner if you weren't so paranoid and jumped around a lot." The girl smiled, then entered the house with the man looking not so optimistic as she.

"Excuse me?" I knew at once what they were from the lack of heartbeat, but what were they doing here?

Alice explained who she was, as much as she could, and introduced Jasper. It wasn't until Carlisle got home later that night that her presence was explained more thoroughly. Her and Jasper had a private meeting with Carlisle. I did my best not to listen in on their thoughts, but it was too tempting.

The visions Alice could have were amazing and I think studying her is the real reason why Carlisle welcomed them whole heartedly into our "family" as he dubbed it.

"Esmé, we have two more children." He beamed.

I could hear Esmé's joyous thoughts as she welcomed them both with hugs. Alice and I quickly became friends. After hearing Jasper's jealous thoughts I reassured him that Alice definitely didn't think of me that way and I didn't think of her that way either. There was something different about Alice. She seemed to me to be the most human of us all. Perhaps it was just how easily she managed to interact with them.

Soon, Alice seemed to take over the purchases of the household. We no longer lived in sparsely furnished houses. We rarely had human guests over, and if we did we had a small couch and television set up in one room to fake the appearance of humanity.

Alice bought furniture for each room of the house, appliances for the kitchen, and clothing that filled all of our closets. Rosalie didn't mind at all. She liked the attention Alice was giving her. Living in luxury for the first time since she'd become a vampire was a welcoming experience.

"I don't know why I didn't do this myself." She said after dressing up in a red evening gown Alice had bought her that day, showing off to Emmette.

Even though our coven had grown considerably over the decades, I had never felt more alone. I decided I needed time by myself, so I spent a few years traveling the world, meeting up with other vampires for short stints, then moving on. No matter how hard they tried to be human, it never changed who we really were. Monsters.

We couldn't go out in sunlight for fear of exposing ourselves to humans. We couldn't eat food, at least not without gagging. We couldn't grow old, watch our children mature, and finally be laid to rest next to our family members.

The only thing we could do was exist.

When I got back to Maine the house was nearly empty of furniture.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"We're going back to Forks." Esmé said, excitedly.

"Ephraim Black is dead and there are no more wolves. We can go home."

And so we moved again, this time to a more familiar place. As we moved I wondered how many more times we would do this, how many more moves, life style changes? It seemed endless because it was. I'd been around the world twice over, and I'd probably do it hundreds more time. Nothing would ever change, especially in such a little town as Forks, Washington.


	2. Chapter II: New School

I had a little bird,

Chapter Two: New School

The treaty was still respected among the leaders of the Quileute tribe and as far as we could tell there were no more werewolves. Carlisle assumed it must have been a freak genetic thing that lay dormant for generations and then suddenly pops up at random. We filled Alice and Jasper in on where the border between the two lands lay and that Forks, the town, was a sort of neutral territory.

We enrolled in the High School, which had grown considerably since the last time we were here. There were a few surnames I remembered, and a few of the faces looked vaguely similar to those I had seen on our previous stay.

Jasper assumed Rosalie's last name, Hale, because they looked so much alike it would be easy for people to think of them as brother and sister. The rest of us took the name Cullen, as usual. We were introduced amongst the students as the adopted children of Carlisle and Esmé, and in a way we were their adopted children.

"And here we go again." I sighed on the first day of school.

As the century had slid by I must say that the minds of teenagers had deteriorated. I had learned over the years to block out most thoughts, like a television on in the background, I could hear the noise but that's just what it was…noise. People looked at us warily and I could tell we would once again be the outcasts.

_God, she's so hot._ The thoughts of a spiky haired teenaged boy practically shouted as Rosalie walked passed him.

_They must be the Cullens. They're so beautiful_. A girl's thoughts were a little nicer.

_Hmm, wonder if he'll go all the way on the first date._ Another girl thought as I walked by.

And then I heard the all too familiar thought of Rosalie, _I'm still more beautiful than anyone else here._ I watched her flip her hair away from her face, and continue walking towards her first class with Emmett following at a close pace. He didn't need to be able to read minds to know what all the male student body were thinking.

I instantly turned the volume on low, and went about my day.

Jasper was new to the school scene. He had told us his history in Texas with the newborns and how he escaped the blood shed and wanton destruction. It was that experience that caused our lifestyle to appeal to him. He thought he was a monster, more so than I ever thought I was. That was one thing that drew us together as friends. He seemed to be doing fine with all the fresh blood walking around, although he had practiced being around people before having met us. Although none of the blood here was all that tempting, to be honest.

Classes seemed to go by in a haze. It helped to be able to hear the thoughts of the teachers. If I was ever called upon and I wasn't paying attention, all I had to do was listen to the answer in their heads. Soon they got the picture that I probably knew more than they did and they stopped calling on me.

Sometimes I would sit in class and wonder what it would have been like to be normal, like any one of the thirteen other boys in the classroom. If I had lived the life I was meant to live, my parents still alive, heart beating within my chest. I wouldn't be who I was today, that's for sure. But who would I be? I feared I would never know.

After school we would all go home and occupy ourselves until the next day. Whenever there was a storm we'd head out to a small clearing away from town and play baseball, the loud _crack_ of the bat hitting the ball blended in with the sounds of the thunder. Emmett would always try to place bets before each game.

"I bet Rosalie can hit the ball farther than Alice." Or "I bet I can hit that bird with the ball."

Then he would do his Babe Ruth impersonation, pointing towards the bird, hitting the ball against the souls of his shoes, then aim for the innocent bird that didn't even know what hit him.

At the hospital Carlisle made himself a reputation, and people began thinking of him as a Saint. It helped that he had been practicing medicine for three hundred years. Of course we were building our own reputation at school.

The problem with vampires is that we can't get too close to humans. If someone touched us, they'd instantly feel the coldness of our skin. If they ever saw us on a bright, sunny day they'd begin to wonder about the sparkling of our skin. If we had friends they'd wonder why we never ate, slept, or did any of the normal things teenagers did. So we were labeled as being proud.

Alice was hurt most by this than any of the rest of us. Rosalie didn't give a damn what anyone else thought of her. She only cared about Emmett. In the beginning Alice tried being nice to some of the girls, but she didn't know them like I did.

_If I get close to Alice I'll get close to Edward._ Were mostly their thoughts. I didn't tell her, of course. I didn't have the heart, no pun intended. I brushed away all attempts at flirting with me, and the friends Alice had begun to accumulate soon dwindled. People stopped trying and we were let alone.

During lunch we'd sit by ourselves with our trays of untouched food. Alice would sometimes amuse us with little snippets of what was going to happen during our days, what pop quizzes we'd get, when the teacher would call on us, etc… We'd throw away our food, then finish school and go home and be ourselves.

Because Carlisle was so loved by the community in general, whenever we were absent for a "hiking" trip, we were never harassed by the teachers or Principle. Sometimes on those sunny days we'd take advantage of our time and go hunting. Emmett and I had begun to bet each other who'd take down the largest animal. One weekend we went all the way to Northern California just to get us some mountain lions. Other times we'd stay closer to home and go after deer, or elk.

Life was good, as far as being a vampire was concerned. We managed to fit in as well as we could, and Esmé, for some reason, loved Forks like she never loved any other place.

"I always wanted to go West and start a school." She had said when I asked her about her liking the place. "This is just exactly the place I would have chosen."

Esmé got a job as a part time assistant at the pre-school. Sometimes Rosalie would take a day away from school and help out. Those two loved little children to death. One day I went with Rosalie and I could see the love in her eyes as she'd looked down at all the three and four year olds running around. Occasionally she'd bend down to pick one up, then restrain herself. She couldn't touch them, she'd be too cold. Another reminder that this wasn't paradise, but our own personal hell.

When Rosalie had heard Tanya talk about the immortal children and what the Volutir did to their Mother because of it, I heard Rosalie's hope swirl around in her head.

"No." I had told her after we were alone. "The Volturi would come and kill you and everyone you've ever been close to. Don't think about it."

She never did again, though her disappointment marred her features for days afterward.

The house was a lot homier than I remembered it, mostly due to Alice. It seemed the interior design changed every month. When we first moved she had it decorated in bright yellows and greens. As fall arrived the colors changed to oranges and browns, with cornucopias and little scarecrows and fake gourds on the tabletops. It was no surprise the day I came home from hunting one cold evening and saw the house decorated like Santa's little Village. It was quite creepy.

"What did you do to the house?" I asked, staring at the snowflakes on the walls, the little miniature village on the table, and the Christmas lights everywhere.

"What?" She asked, innocently enough. "It's almost Christmas!"

I just rolled my eyes. I knew a vampire that was around during the first Christmas and they never did anything like this back then.

"Carlisle and Esmé are going away for the holidays." Alice said as I settled myself at the grand piano in the other room. I strictly forbade her from touching anything in this room. So far she had complied with my wishes, all except putting some Christmas sheet music on the stand. I ignored the music and played my own compositions.

"Where?"

_Esmé's Island_. Were her thoughts.

I played on. _And Rosalie and Emmett are going to Africa and Jasper and I are going to Denali to visit Tanya_. Was the rest of her news.

I didn't care. So I was going to be alone for the holidays, no big deal. I'd been alone before.

"Why don't you come with Jazz and I?" She asked, smiling her sparkling smile.

"No thanks." I didn't wish to experience Tanya's advances again. They seemed to grow more forceful with every visit that I made without a mate.

There was a moment of silence, both outside and inside our heads. I had been working on a piece lately that didn't seem to want to mesh with how I heard it in my head. As I tried to get the notes just right Alice started talking again.

"There's going to be a new student after Christmas break." Alice said. "Chief Swan's daughter. Everyone is talking about her."

"Really." The notes didn't seem to want to work. In frustration I slammed the lid shut over the keys and walked out of the room.

On the first day of vacation Rosalie and Emmett left, followed by Alice and Jasper the next day. A few days later Carlisle and Esmé left. Carlisle had been reluctant to leave, knowing that during the holidays a lot of car accident victims would come to the hospital, but the staff insisted. He hadn't had a day's vacation since we moved and it was beginning to look suspicious.

I was all alone in the house, and so what did I do? I went hunting and gorged myself on any animal I could get my hands on. Carlisle had said fish weren't that tasty, but Salmon had an almost sweet flavor to it and occasionally I'd scoop one out of the frozen river and suck it dry. This was my holiday feast. Two whole weeks of doing nothing but drinking the warm blood of large animals. No big difference than a family of four devouring an entire turkey.

Okay, so a little difference.

When I got back to the house and cleaned up I noticed a package under the little Christmas tree Alice had set up. I hadn't noticed it before. Cautiously I walked to it and picked it up. To: Edward, From: The Family; the label on the package read. I untied the bright red ribbon and opened it up. Inside were a set of car keys. I went down to the garage and noticed between Emmett's jeep and Rosalie's BMW was a new Volvo. I smiled, then took the car for a test drive.

We usually took Emmett's jeep to school but seeing as the weather was taking a turn for the worst, we had begun taking Rosalie's car. I suppose this was a way to look more normal, driving in a normal car.

The speeds the car reached were incredible and I hadn't realized the exhilaration you could feel driving like this. Alice would always beg to take Rosalie's car out for test drives and being in the passenger seat while Alice was driving was a whole new experience all together. I suppose if I hadn't known I was practically indestructible I would have been gripping the dash board the entire time.

When I got home I went to throw the package the keys came in away but noticed a small piece of paper tucked inside. I took it out and saw that it was in Alice's hand writing.

_Edward,_

_Merry Christmas! I talked Carlisle into getting you this car. I have a feeling you'll be needing it in the near future. I love you like a brother and hope you have a wonderful holiday._

_Love, Alice._

I threw the note away, wondering what it could have been about. Oh well, two more days and she'd be home to ask and then we'd be in school again.

**A/N: Okay, a little shorter chapter. I don't have the knack that SM has with writing long chapters, but if you look at my other stories they have short chapters too. Oh well.**

**Thanks for reading and I hope you reviews. A little something special for those who live near Clovis CA. At the Halloween super Store just east of the 168 on Shaw there is a guy working there that looks like Rob Pattinson, the guy who's portraying Edward in the movie. It is definitely worth a trip to see!**


	3. Chapter III: First Smell

I had a little bird,

Chapter Three: First Smell

I could tell at once that something was wrong with Jasper when he and Alice walked into the house. No one else was home and there were only two more days until school started up again. I had been thinking of going out hunting again but the look on their faces drove my thirst away from my mind.

"What happened?" I asked, but I immediately heard their thoughts and knew.

Alice's were calm and concise while Jasper's were quick, but staggered. They had gone up to Denali to meet with Tanya and the others. Everything was fine until they decided to go hunting. I had seen Jasper hunt and when he's satiating his thirst it's as if everything else around him disappears. Alice likes to follow him and wait until he's no longer in his hunting mode before she finds her own prey, to kind of make sure nothing bad happens. He's the one that's had the hardest time adjusting to our way of life.

Well, this time they just so happened to come across some hikers who had gotten lost. Alice didn't see it because it wasn't the hikers intent to go where they were hunting, it was an accident. It wasn't until she saw Jasper raise his head from the downed elk, a rivulet of blood dripping down the corner of his mouth, that she smelled their blood.

_It was sweet, even I was tempted._ Alice thought, defending Jasper.

_I can't believe…I'm such a monster…_ Jasper was swimming in his own self-pity.

I could tell right away that Jasper didn't drain them of blood because his eyes weren't red. I listened more intently to their thoughts, but I didn't need to—Alice began speaking.

"Jasper, you were able to control yourself. I'm so proud of you." Alice said softly, stroking Jasper's arm.

He looked like he was in a daze and his thoughts were repeating themselves over and over again, _I almost--I'm such a monster…_

"I stopped him," Alice said, looking up at me, still holding Jasper in her arms. "I went back and showed the hikers where to go. I bet they'll retelling the story to their friends, that they got lost and a ghost showed them the way." Alice gave a small smile.

"Jazz," I said quietly. "You didn't do anything wrong. We all have our bad days."

The next day the others arrived and Jasper's story was retold to them. Esmé went to go comfort him, trying to tell him the same thing Alice and I tried to; that under the circumstances, he did a remarkably well job.

"I don't think I should be here any more." Jasper said, standing up to face all of us. "I'm a liability. If I make one little mistake I could put you all in danger."

_No!_ Alice screamed in her head. She ran towards him, hugging him to her. "Don't go, please! We're a family and we can't quit on each other."

"Alice is right." Carlisle said, stepping closer to Jasper. "We are a family, a little unconventional, but that's besides the point. Family stick together. You didn't even have a slip up. Next time you go hunting we'll have Emmett go with you."

"Yeah," Emmett said enthusiastically. "I'll slam your ass to the ground before I let you suck a human."

Jasper sighed, "What if it happens at school? There's so much blood there…"

"You're never alone in a class." I said, knowing that the one class he didn't have with Alice, he had with me. "None of us will let it happen, and neither will you."

Jasper began to think of ways to sneak away, perhaps with Alice, but I shook my head at him and he knew what I was hinting at.

"Okay, I'll do my best." He finally said.

Carlisle smiled, "That's all we ever ask."

The family was back together again. Esmé began telling everyone how sweet Carlisle was while they were away, what they did, where they went. Rosalie and Emmett were a little less telling on their vacation and I was the only one who knew why. Those two mated like bunnies, it was all I could do to block their over sexual thoughts out of my mind. It wasn't until the next day that it was time to go to school that I realized my thirst was burning in my throat. I thought about ditching school to go hunting, but I knew Jasper would think I was giving up on him. So I went, thirsty, but no big deal…I'd go hunting the next day.

The next day at school was a little tense for us. I kept my mind focused on Jasper and partially on Alice. I knew that if Jasper thought of running away Alice would see it just as soon as I would hear it. We had made a silent pact last night.

_If he thinks of running, we'll go after him._ She said to me in her mind, not even looking at me, as the vacation stories were being told last night. I nodded my head a fraction of an inch, to let her know I understood.

So far everything was going fine. Jasper acted usual…well, as usual was Jasper acts. He thoughts were mundane, occasionally repeating in his head the mantra we taught him: _People are friends, not food._ A little joke between us after having seen Finding Nemo. Alice forewent her little Palm Reading stories and by the time lunch rolled around we were sullen and moody.

A vampire can get very moody, almost like PMS, from what I hear. Especially if we forego our natural diet of human blood. Try getting on the good side of a female body lifter who's only had a couple of peanuts to sustain her the entire day and she's on her period. That's almost like what a Vampire can be like when we feel moody.

Occasionally I'd open up my mind and listen to the thoughts of the teenagers around me for fun. The new girl, the one Alice had told me about, had arrived and practically the entire male student body were already drooling all over her. From their thoughts I'd deduced that she was attractive, at least to boys who live in a small town and can't bare the thought of dating a girl they think of as a sister, i.e. all the girls at school they grew up with. The funny thing was I couldn't pick her mind out of all the others.

This happens occasionally, me not being able to hear the thoughts of another person. It happens to people who have no thoughts for me to hear. I suspected she was a bleached blonde girl with a fake tan and said _like_ and _ohmygod_ every few words. Just another drop in the bucket, if you asked me.

"I need to get a book out of the car." Alice said, then stood and walked her tray to the trashcan and emptied the untouched food into its gaping maw.

"Who are they?" Someone asked, not too far away from us.

_Heh, those Cullen's aren't even worth wasting my breath._ I heard someone's thoughts and looked up to see a girl I vaguely remembered from the beginning of the school year. She was one of the more bolder girls, in fact the boldest girl, who tried asking me out. I doubt if I let her down gently. I wasn't used to stroking the ego of vain girls, not even Rosalie's.

Then I looked at the girl who had asked who we were. My first thought was that she must be the new girl. My second thought was she wasn't like anything I had imagined. She wasn't bleached blonde or fake tanned. She had long, dark tresses that reached passed her shoulders and her skin was very pale, almost as pale as mine. If I hadn't heard the heart beat in her chest I would have mistaken her for a vampire.

As soon as our eyes locked I looked away. Something happened, but I didn't know what. Something was different but I couldn't pinpoint what exactly was different or what made it so.

"Did you guys feel that?" I said, so quietly not even a human could have heard me if they were standing next to me.

_What?_ They all thought at the same time.

I tried to describe what it was to them, but I couldn't even describe it to myself. There was a strong scent in the air, perhaps that was it? No, the feeling happened before the scent. Electricity, is all I could think to describe it. They dismissed my explanations, thinking I was playing some kind of joke on them. I didn't even realize that in my frustration to identity what had happened, I had picked apart the bagel that now lay in a heap of crumbs, on my tray.

When did it happen? When I looked at her. But she was just a normal human. I looked up again at the new girl, half expecting her to shout the answer to me across the crowded cafeteria. There was something about her…

I can't read her thoughts! I nearly shouted aloud, but instead the words echoed over and over again in my head. She clearly didn't look like a brainless bimbo, so why was her mind closed to me? I didn't realize I was staring at her, trying to piece together this strange, yet fascinating puzzle, until she looked at me then quickly hid her face behind her hair and continued talking with the girl next to her.

"Which one is the boy with the reddish brown hair?" She asked. She was talking about me! I don't know why but I felt a sort of thrill inside me.

Jessica, I remembered her name, began telling our story the way the townspeople of Forks knew it. Of course she would think because I wouldn't go out with her I wasn't interested in anybody in this small town. I smiled at the ridiculous deduction.

"I think we've made enough of an appearance." Rosalie said, then rose from her seat, followed by Emmett, then Jasper and I. We trashed our food and set the trays on the table by the trash, then left the cafeteria.

"Hey, I was just about to come back." Alice said, holding a book in her hands, running up to us.

"Where were you?" Jasper asked, apparently worried.

"When I got to the car I realized I needed another book too, but I left it at home. I just got back."

"Shakespeare?" Emmett asked, looking at the cover.

"Yes, I'm in the Advanced English class."

"There is no Advanced English Class." I said, already knowing the answer she would give.

"That's because I'm the only student and teacher." She stuck her tongue out at Emmett, then we heard the bell ring.

"Feel like ditching?" Emmett asked Rosalie, waggling his eyebrows.

"Sure." She smiled, and they left in a flash.

"Will those two ever mature?" Alice asked no one in particular. "See you after school." She said to me, taking Jasper's hand in hers and leading him to their English class.

I made it to my next class with time to spare and thought about where I would go hunting this weekend. I was cutting it close, I know, but I felt I could control my thirst another two days or so. Suddenly the door opened and a gust of wind blew into the class and with it the scent I smelled earlier, only ten times stronger. It hit me like a semi, nearly knocking me over. It smelled so good, so delicious. The beating of the heart was pounding in my head and I could visualize the pints of blood rushing through the veins, giving oxygen to the organs, making it possible for the human to live. I knew instinctively who it was. It could only be one person…her.

I looked up at her as she walked passed me, my body going rigid, trying to control the natural instinct to suck her dry. She made it all the way to the teacher alive, and gave him a piece of paper. She looked at me and I couldn't help but wonder why God had sent this starving man a filet mignon.

_People are friends, not food._ I shouted over and over again in my head as she walked passed. It wasn't until she turned around after talking with the teacher that I realized the only other empty seat in Biology was right beside me.

She took her seat next to me and the scent of her blood swarmed my senses. _People are friends, not food._ I said again, half crazed with thirst. The burning in my throat was extremely painful and I knew that the warm liquid of her blood would quench it. I leaned my body away from hers, hoping to get away from her scent. I tried focusing on someone else, anyone else, but her blood was just too overpowering.

The thought of her and I alone sent my head swimming. I could ask her to help me with something outside and she'd follow and once we were alone—NO! Don't think like that!

Perhaps, if I just grabbed her hand and led her out she'd just follow and—Stop it!!

Pictures of me sinking my teeth into her supple skin, licking and sucking as her warm blood spilled into my mouth, savoring each and every drop—AH!!

I began reciting different pieces of literature I had memorized over the years. The only thing that came to mind were Emily Dickinson's morbid, yet beautiful, poetry. I know death didn't seem the right topic to focus on at the moment, but I couldn't help it. It was actually working a little, though I still felt utterly disgusted with myself, not being able to control my thirst as usual.

As soon as the bell rang I sprang from my chair and left the classroom as quickly as I could. I felt relieved, being away from that girl. Like I had been tied to my chair, unable to move, and now my limbs were able to move freely. I inhaled deeply to rid my senses of her smell. I smelled the slightly damp earth, the sap from the trees surrounding the school, their pine needles. I even caught a small whiff of exhaust coming from the Freeway.

My next class was English. I hoped to God she didn't have that class with me. But for now I was free! As free as one can be in an High School English class, that is. As I sat and tuned out the teachers voice I began thinking of my family. I realized now the emotional struggle Jasper had been going through. He was always thirsting after human blood and knew that at any second he could snap. Was it really worth it to stay in Forks?

_Don't be stupid._ I said to myself. That was the only class you had with the girl. All you need to do is transfer out of the class and then you won't have to worry about her. You'll only see her in the cafeteria and you can hold you breath the whole time, no worries. As soon as school was over I told Alice and Jasper I was going to stay behind to re-do my schedule. They said they'd walk home.

I entered the office and the woman at the front desk looked up, surprised to see me. She dropped something, then bent down behind the desk to pick it up. A stapler.

"Hi," I smiled, coming up to the desk and leaning against it.

"How-how can I help you?" She placed the stapler on her desk, and began surreptitiously trying to fix her hair, adjust her classes, straighten her clothes.

"I need to transfer out of my sixth period Biology class." I said. "My name is Edward Cullen." I looked at her computer.

_God, I feel like a friggin' pedophile._ She said to herself. If I could shiver, I would have, knowing what she was thinking about me. She began tapping away at the keys and finally re-read my name, then recited my schedule.

"I'm sorry," She said after typing a few more minutes, "I'm afraid there is no other Biology class open other than that period."

"Could you please try again? Or perhaps I could take it next year?" I gave an award winning smile this time, hoping she'd try to do her all for me.

She type-typed away, biting at her bottom lip, thinking of her husband and two children. She shook her head, "I'm sorry."

"Are you sure there's nothing you can do for me?" I had some money in my back pocket and began wondering if it would be worth it to monetarily bribe this woman to get my way. Before I made a definite decision, I felt an outside breeze carry _her_ scent to me.

I slowly turned around and glared at her. The girl form Biology. Would this day never end? The thirst began burning my throat again and I knew if I didn't get out of there pronto I'd go ballistic.

"Never mind, then," I tried to sound nice. "I can see that it's impossible. Thank you so much for your help." And without looking in her direction I left the office, went strait to my car, and drove away as fast as I could.


	4. Chapter IV: Running Away Never Solved

Chapter Four: Running Away Never Solved Anything

Before I realized where I was going I had pulled into the hospital parking lot. The Hospital in Forks was a small building, mainly set up for emergencies from hunting accidents and the such. I didn't have to worry about too much blood, seeing as the season was closed at the moment.

The security guard nodded his head as I walked up to the building and swished the doors open. I asked if I could see Carlisle and the nurse at the information desk paged him. I paced the floor of the waiting room, trying to finalize the plans that had flashed in my mind on the way over here.

"Edward?" Carlisle's calm voice alerted me to his presence, I was that distraught I didn't even notice his thoughts.

"Look, can we talk? Somewhere private?" I indicated the nurse who was looking at us both.

"Sure," Carlisle smiled at the nurse, then led me down the hall and into his small office. "What's the matter?" He asked after closing the door.

Carlisle's office had a east facing window which let little light in at the moment, giving the contents of the room a dullness in color. On the desk in the corner was a computer with a few files on top, one opened to a page and a pen laid diagonally against the sheet of paper, waiting to be used. There were two bookshelves filled with medical books, not that he needed them. Just for show.

"I have to get out of here." I said, knowing I couldn't stall much longer.

"I'm sorry, please explain." The confusion on his face was genuine.

I closed me eyes while biting my lip. I'd have given anything at the moment to just die. To just disappear and not have to disappoint Carlisle, my mentor and friend. How could I tell him what I almost did today?

"Edward, please, confide in me." I looked up and saw his face full of compassion and understanding.

"I-" I felt like a damn fool, having to confess my sins, or almost-sins. "There's this new girl at school and I…I almost bit her."

I waited for the onslaught of horrible adjectives that should have been thrown my way. But there was only silence. I felt Carlisle's hand on my shoulder.

"Edward, we all have a hard time once in a while. Remember, we just had this discussion with Jasper. It's not the end of the world."

"That's just it!" I yelled, standing up. I hated the horrible stillness of this room, as if time had forgotten to pass over it. It felt like a damn tomb. "It will never be the end of the world, for me or you or any of the rest of us! Death is supposed to be an escape from this world, a release, a doorway to something greater and we'll never get there! If I had killed that girl today I'd have to live for hundreds, thousands of years with that guilt."

I felt weak, for the first time in a hundreds years I felt weak and exhausted. Physically I was fine. I could have run a marathon, but mentally I was racked.

"I have to leave." I said after a few minutes silence. I already knew the excuses, the plan b's and c's Carlisle was going to give me, from his thoughts but they wouldn't work. "I need time to think."

"Okay," Carlisle said. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yeah," I pulled the car keys out of my pocket. "I need to switch cars with you. Mine's out of gas and I want to get away as fast as I can."

He took his car keys out of his own pocket and handed them to me and took mine.

"What do you want me to say…to everyone at home?"

Home. Didn't he know we would never have a home? Our home should be what the myths say it is. A tomb. A timeless capsule where we can burry ourselves and pretend to die.

"Tell them I'm sorry."

I left the hospital before Carlisle could present a tempting plan to me. I drove his car all the way up to the Canadian border and took a ferry over the water. I drove all day and all night, stopping only to get gas. I dropped the car in Anchorage then went to Tanya's on foot. I suspected Carlisle would know I'd go to Tanya's, but it was just a stepping off point for me. Until I figured out where I would go from there.

"Edward!" Tanya was the first to see me. _I'm so glad you're back._ She came to me and embraced me.

The others crowded around me also, asking how Carlisle and Esmé were, and the others. I smiled and tried to tell them in as steady a voice as I could that everything was fine. We entered their house, a two story cabin set deep in the woods away from any civilization. They didn't have the human accoutrements that crowded our house. They had a television mounted on the wall, which was tuned to World News.

"What's going on in the world?" I asked, casually.

"Not much, thank goodness." Eleazer said, his arm around Carmen.

"What brings you here to us this evening?" Kate asked.

"Yes, Carlisle called and said you might visit us." Tanya said coming up behind me.

"I don't know," I tried to think of something. "I'm beginning to think pretending to be human isn't working for me."

"You don't mean…" Irinia paused, fearing the worst.

"No, I don't mean going back to human blood." I reassured her, and everyone else.

"I never did approve of trying to be like a human." Tanya said. "We are different and the sooner we accept that the better off the rest of the world will be."

I went hunting almost immediately after arriving. I had stopped while getting gas and sucked a few nearby animals, but that only slightly satiated my thirst. I spent the entire day in the forest, drinking the blood of animals and only after I no longer felt the painful burn did I return.

"You should come with me to see the Northern Lights." Tanya said when I got back. She was leaning against the wooden pole that held the roof over their porch. Irina was close by. I assumed the others were inside. "I don't think we ever saw them together."

Her voice purred, and she moved alluringly towards me. I gave a half smile and told her I had to plan my next move.

"You're not staying?" Irina asked.

When I was first introduced to the sisters I knew all three took a liking towards me. Irina even tried getting me to be her mate, but Tanya, being the coven leader, had basically told her "hands off, he's mine." Irina's thoughts were still angled in that direction, but she never told me herself.

"No, I'm not staying. I just needed a few days away from everyone else to figure out what I want to do."

"Edward," Tanya smiled, pulling me towards herself. "It's not safe being out there alone. You know full well that vampires who travel alone revert back to human blood."

"Perhaps I'll become a missionary and preach our gospel." I laughed, pulling myself away from her. I excused myself then took a walk in the surrounding forest.

The Alaskan wilderness was beautiful, especially at dusk. The suns rays barely cresting over the horizon, sending out shafts of red and orange through the tree limbs, would have taken my breath away, if I had any to be taken away. It was calm, the only noises made by the wildlife; birds flying through the air and landing on branches, their twilling songs riding on the wind. A fox making her way through the underbrush, waking up to hunt with her cubs close by.

_Sometimes I stand here for hours at a time, just watching the life around me._ Tanya's thoughts startled me. I turned and saw her standing slightly behind me. She must have followed me. When she saw I noticed her she moved forward so we were side by side. I cast my gaze at the woods and slowly the sun sank all the way down, leaving the forest in shadows.

"It is beautiful." I admitted, feeling the rhythm of the world around me, itching to be composed.

With deliberate quick motions Tanya took my hand in hers, the warmth emanating from her body transferring to my fingers. She turned so we were facing each other and I was conscious of what she was doing, but I felt numb. All day I had been thinking of that girl in Forks, her image floating to the top of my mind. Her dark hair falling in cascades down her shoulders, her ivory skin shining in the light, the slender long fingers of her hands. For a moment I pictured her touching my hand, the way Tanya was. It was her, not Tanya, reaching up to caress my neck, pulling my closer to her, her lips slightly parted, mine waiting impatiently for the moment of impact. And then I smelled her—

"Tanya," I gently pushed her away, freeing my hand from her grasp. "I'm sorry, I can't."

She sighed deeply, then tried to smile. _It's okay,_ She thought. _I understand._

But she didn't. I could read those thoughts as well.

The next day I received a distraught call from Alice.

"Why did you leave without talking to the rest of us?" Alice said in a stern voice. "You can't just give up like that."

I tried to tell her as best I could why I left but even after explaining myself I began to question my actions. Perhaps I did act too quickly without thinking things through. I _was_ hungry. Perhaps if I had had a full stomach that girl (Bella, Alice told me her name,) wouldn't have tempted me so much. Besides, I've gone at least sixty years without human blood. I was stronger than that.

I hung the phone up after telling Alice I'd come home.

"I think I'm going back." I announced to Tanya and the others.

Everyone's thoughts were either positive or non-emotional to this news, except for Tanya. No matter how hard she tried to mask her thoughts from me, little echoes reached me.

_You can't leave._ "Please, stay a little while longer?" She begged.

"I'm sorry, I need to be back with my family." I said my farewells then headed back to Anchorage where I left Carlisle's car. The drive back was less eventful than the drive there. I played a CD I found in the car of Debussy's work, which had a calming effect on me. By the time I arrived in Forks I felt I could take on the world.

Alice was the first to see me, of course, probably having seen my arrival earlier in a vision. She was waiting on the porch, arms crossed, a frown on her face.

"You owe us an apology." She said as I walked up the steps.

"I'm sorry."

She stood there, considering the sincerity of my words. "Edward," Her frown left her face and now it was filled with worry. "Is there something bothering you?"

"No." I lied. There was something bothering me. The fact that the one girl in the school, probably the one girl in the country, that had such tempting blood I was willing to sacrifice my family's secret to suck her dry, also had another effect on me. A different kind of temptation that I tried pushing away from the forefront of my mind so I wouldn't have to analyze it.

Alice was probably the one person I couldn't lie to, but before she could ask any further questions I went inside to make my apologies to Esmé and everyone else.

I felt like the prodigal son returned. Hugs, well wishes, wonderment at my leaving at all. Only Carlisle knew exactly why I left and I intended to keep it that way. Well, almost.

"Emmett, I bet I can take down a bigger elk than you."

I could see the smile crop up on his face, "You're on!"

We went outside just as the sun was setting and ran into the forest until it was completely dark. We stalked our prey, about five miles apart. I saw a beautiful animal making its way back to its den to sleep. I passed her up, wanting a male. Soon I found one, large and proud. I crept up on him upwind so as not to startle him. In a flash I pounced and bit into his neck, snapping it with my hands.

"Look at mine!" Emmett came up behind me dragging a large animal.

"Looks like you beat me." I said, then began to drink.

After we each had our full, I said, "Emmett, I didn't take you out here to win a bet."

He looked a little confused, blood dribbling down his chin, staining the clothes Alice bought him.

"Look, tomorrow at school, can you keep an eye on me?" I could tell he still wasn't getting the message. "Okay, there is this girl I'm afraid I might bite and I need you to watch me to make sure I don't do anything stupid."

"Oh, okay. Gotcha!"

Now that I felt full and I had the strongest man I knew ready to take me down if I gave in to temptation, I felt prepared for the next day of school.

**A/N: Here is another chapter! YAY!! I'm so glad people are reading and reviewing. It really makes me want to get back on the computer and write more chapters. I assume that Steph was thrilled with how well her first book did, kind of like getting lots of reviews for a first chapter! If anyone out there has any good recommendations for me to read Twilight fanfic, I'd appreciate it!**

**ADELA H**


	5. Chapter V: Closed Mind

I had a little bird,

**A/N: Sorry about the longer than usual wait. I was on vacation this past weekend and I didn't have access to my computer. But now I finished this chapter and am on to the next one. Thanks again for reading and reviewing, it means a lot to me.**

Chapter Five: Closed Mind

"It's going to snow today." Alice said as we piled into the Volvo. I looked up into the sky and could see the puffy clouds overhead waiting to burst with their frozen cotton balls.

"I don't think there's anything more beautiful than a perfectly shaped snowflake." Rosalie said, also looking up into the sky.

"I can think of one thing." Emmett said, nuzzling her neck with his nose.

"Please, guys, save it for after school." I said, starting the car, then headed towards school.

"Do any of us have any surprises today?" Rosalie asked Alice, who was in the front seat.

"Well, there's a pop quiz on Wuthering Heights in English." Alice closed her eyes and concentrated. "Rose and Emmett are doing basketball free shots, hoped you practiced. Oh, and I'm going to win the snow ball fight before lunch."

"I don't think so." Emmett said, leaning forward. "See this arm?" He held up his arm and pointed to his bicep. "These babies have been training all winter for this."

"I don't think I'd bet against Alice's word." Jasper said. "She can see anything you throw at her before it leaves your hand."

The little argument over who was going to win the snowball fight ended right as we pulled up into the parking lot. We were late and the only ones outside. We said our farewells then headed to our classes. True to Alice's word, after first hour small flecks of snow began to fall from the sky.

"Ew." I heard a familiar voice say. I turned in the direction of the sound and saw her, Bella, standing with Mike Newton, looking dismal at the turn of weather.

"Don't you like snow?" Mike asked her, looking a little disappointed.

"No," She turned to Mike. "That means it's too cold to rain. Besides, I thought it was supposed to come down in flakes—you know, each one unique and all that. These just look like the end of q-tips."

I stared at her, dazzling with the snow falling around her, catching in her dark hair. I had that funny feeling again, that one I tried to ignore, only now that I was close to her it wasn't as easy. At least I was outside and couldn't smell her. I watched her talk with Mike and against my better judgment, I listened to his thoughts.

_Do it, just do it. Ask her already. She likes you, that's obvious. Come on, just ask her._

Confused, I stared at the both of them. Bella said her goodbyes before he had a chance to ask her whatever it was he wanted to ask her. Probably to take her out on a date, or something. For some unknown reason I could feel a red hot anger swelling inside me. I began to feel a different kind of blood lust.

"Hey, man." Emmett's hand clamped down on my shoulder, preventing me from moving. "You and me against Alice, alright? Right as the bell rings."

"You know she saw this conversation earlier today, right?" I smiled.

"Nah, I have something planned."

I went to my next class but found I couldn't focus. It was English and we were taking the pop quiz on Wuthering Heights. I personally detested the book, so I didn't care if I failed.

_"Don't you like snow?"_

_"No. That means it's too cold to rain."_

What did Bella mean when she said that? She didn't like the cold? I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the windowpane and frowned at the copper hair standing out against the pale white skin. I was much colder than the snow, so much more colder. I stared at my hands as I clinched them into fists, wanting to punch the window so I wouldn't have to see my face.

I couldn't believe it but my emotions were taking on another tale spin. Where before I was hot with anger now I felt empty, like there was a bottomless pit inside me. Why? I wanted to scream. Why is this happening to me?

Needless to say by the time lunch rolled around I had forgotten about Emmett's plan to ambush Alice. That's probably why Alice was so sure she'd win, she only had to fight one person.

"Edward!" Emmett yelled, ducking as Alice lobbed a rather large snowball at him. "Hey, man, you're supposed to help."

"I think we should go into the cafeteria." Jasper said, coming up to us. "Make an appearance."

"Ha, I won!" Alice gloated, punching Emmett playfully in the chest. "Don't underestimate us little guys. We pack a powerful punch."

I followed them into the cafeteria, feeling the snow melt into my clothes. Alice and Emmett were already planning another round once we got home, and Rosalie kept saying she wanted to go hunting soon. Jasper couldn't stop laughing at Emmett's obvious competitiveness, especially seeing as how he just got beat by Alice.

I hadn't realized I was holding my breath and clinching my hands into fists until I heard her voice. At once my hands relaxed and I breathed in deeply searching for her scent. As soon as I caught her alluring smell, floral, not at all musky, I heard her speaking. She was in line waiting to be served.

"Actually, I feel a little sick." She said to that girl, Jessica I think her name is. I didn't dare look up for fear she'd see me staring.

"Emmett, you're soaked!" Alice laughed.

He looked down at his clothes, which were dripping with water, and began to squeeze the water out of his shirt.

"Hey, watch it." Rosalie said, backing away.

"What, can't stand to get a little wet?" He then began to shake his hair at Rosalie and Alice, who couldn't stop laughing while trying to keep out of range.

"Bella, what are you staring at?" I heard Jessica saying. _I can't believe she's not paying attention to what I'm saying!._

I looked up curiously at the table where Bella was sitting at with Jessica, Mike and some other kids. Almost as soon as I looked up I saw Bella quickly hide her face in her hair. Was she staring at me? Once again my emotions changed direction. The black hole was filled with surprise and expectation.

"Edward Cullen is staring at you." I heard Jessica begin to giggle.

"He doesn't look angry, does he?" Her soft voice asked from behind the curtain of hair.

Angry? Why would she think I was angry with her?

"I don't think he likes me."

Didn't like her? She thinks I don't like her and am angry with her? I tried going back through our short history, trying to pinpoint the reason why she would think these things. The only time we had any sort of close contact with each other was in Biology last week, and that was practically non-existent. I tried to stay as far from her as possible, not touching her, trying not to breathe her in…

Oh…I suppose that sort of behavior would cause someone to think I didn't like them.

Jessica was spouting some nonsense about us not liking anybody at school. Well, what were we supposed to do? If we got too close to a human we could put our secret at risk of being discovered. It's not like we didn't like anyone here, it's just we valued our peace more than friendship.

"Hey man, are you okay?" Emmett asked, nudging me.

I tore my eyes away from Bella who kept her own eyes focused on the table in front of her, occasionally taking a sip of soda.

"Yes, I'm fine." Throughout the rest of lunch I'd steal glimpses of her, hoping to catch her staring at me. I couldn't understand why, after almost a hundred years of being a vampire, this one girl seemed to bring out the humanity in me. Feelings that had laid dormant came rushing to the surface. She was, to say the least, intriguing, and I knew that I should stay away from her.

The lunch bell rang and we all stood to go to our classes. Biology, the one class I had with Bella. One part of me said to run away, skip class, but another part of me demanded I go.

"I'll be right there." I heard Alice say to Jasper. I was on my way out the door when Alice grabbed my arm and held me back. She waited for the students to empty the cafeteria before she explained why she kept me late.

"What's wrong?" I asked, hoping she didn't see anything horrible in our futures.

She had a confused look on her face, as if she were trying to translate a difficult piece of text. "Edward, I—" She paused. "Edward, I hope you know what you're doing."

And with that, she left, leaving me only that cryptic message. I tried to pretend I didn't know what she meant, but I knew all too well. She had seen what I was about to do in Biology, for I had just made up my mind.

I made it to class with a few minutes to spare, despite Alice's holding me back. I stood at the door for a few seconds, holding my breath. I could take her scent in small doses, that I discovered in the cafeteria, but I didn't think I was ready in such a closed space. I casually walked towards my seat and sat down next to Bella, who was scrawling something on her notepad.

"Hello." I said, trying to sound nonchalant. What a genius I was, introducing myself a week late to my lab partner.

Bella looked up at me as if I were an animal that suddenly gained the power to speak.

Well, in for a penny, in for a dollar. "My name is Edward Cullen. I didn't have a chance to introduce myself last week. You must be Bella Swan."

She looked speechless, her mouth slightly ajar. I was afraid she had been struck dumb and was about to speak when she said, "H-how do you know my name?"

I laughed. Hadn't I heard from Alice, who no doubt heard from someone at school, about Bella Swan coming to town? I explained how her arrival set the town into gossiping about her.

"No," She looked slightly frustrated. "I meant, why did you call me Bella?"

Bella? She didn't like Bella? I tried to read her mind, but I forgot hers was closed to me somehow. One more thing to make her more intriguing. "Do you prefer Isabella?"

"No, I like Bella, it's just Charlie—I mean my Dad always introduces me as Isabella. It's what everyone here knows me as."

"Oh," I said. Why did I call her Bella? Well, Alice, really. She's the one who told me her name.

It was at that moment that Mr. Banner began explaining what we would be doing in class. He was passing around slides of onion root in various stages of mitosis. We were supposed to look through the lens of the microscopes on the table and label them accordingly.

_What's he saying to her?_ I heard a loud thought over the noise of students shifting in their seats to look through their microscopes. I looked up and saw Mike staring at me. I smiled, and he quickly looked away.

"Ladies first." I said to Bella, motioning towards the first slide. She wasn't moving. "Or, I could start if you wish."

"No." She said, her cheeks turning a bright red. I felt a slight burn in my throat and commanded my body not to breathe her in. "I'll go ahead."

She didn't take much time at the lens when she looked up and said, "Prophase."

"Do you mind if I look?" I was a little late. She was already moving the slide out. I reached for it and brushed my hand against hers, causing her to jerk her hand away quickly.

"I'm sorry." I said, feeling stupid. Trying to hid my emotions as best I could I slid the slide back into place and took a look. She was right, it was the Prophase. I wrote it down on our work sheet then replaced the slide with another one.

"Anaphase." I said, beginning to write it down.

"May I see?" She asked timidly. She looked in the lens and nodded her head. "Slide three?"

I took the slide from the box and carefully, making sure not to touch her, I placed it in the palm of her upturned hand. I watched her put the slide in, meticulously. I couldn't help but smile as she bit her bottom lip while looking through the lens.

We continued until all the slides were labeled. I gathered from the thoughts of the other students that we were the first to finish. Bella's gaze was down at her notebook. I stared at her slim form hunched over the desk. It was unbearable to be able to hear the mundane thoughts of the teenagers around me, thoughts I wish I could block out, and not be able to hear the thoughts of the one person I wanted to. As I was thinking this Bella looked up at me.

"Did you get contacts?" She asked.

The question through me off guard. Contacts? What would make her think that?

"No." I said.

"Oh," She looked a little confused. "I thought there was something different about your eyes."

I acted as if I didn't know what she was talking about. I felt like an idiot! This is why we never get close to humans. They discover our little quirks, like our eyes changing colors depending on if we just ate or not. I couldn't believe I was putting my family at risk just to know what this strange creature was thinking.

"So, Edward," Mr. Banner's voice startled me out of my self-punishment. "Didn't you think Isabella should get a chance with the microscope?"

"Bella," I said, stressing the shortened form of her name. "She identified three of the five."

Mr. Banner didn't look like he believed it. He turned on Bella as if she were an accomplice to a crime.

"Have you done this lab before?" He asked her.

"Not with onion root." Her cheeks began to blush again. I noticed a few pairs of eyes staring at us, especially Mike's.

"Whitefish Bastula?" Mr. Banner guessed.

"Yeah." She answered.

Mr. Banner began babbling about how it was a good thing we were partnered together, then left. I looked at Bella who once again had her eyes cast down, drawing on the paper in front of her. Now that our lab was finished, ten minutes early, there was no more excuse to talk with her. I looked out the window at the white flakes falling down and had a sudden inspiration.

"It's too bad about the snow." I said, hoping this comment would ally me with her. In all actuality I didn't mind snow much. Probably because it wasn't cold to me, the way it was with humans.

"Not really," She said, still doodling.

"You don't like the cold." It wasn't a question. I didn't mean for it to be. I already knew she didn't like the cold.

"Or the wet." She added.

The one place one earth it where was wet more days than dry in the year, and she chose to live here?

"Forks must be a difficult place for you to live, then." I said.

"You have no idea."

Conversation from here on out seemed to flow at an even pace. I had to pay closer attention to her than I had to with anyone else because I didn't have her thoughts to rely on. I stared at her eyes as she explained her situation. I could see a little moisture forming there as she told me about her Mother getting married and traveling and deciding it would be best for everyone if she came to live with her Dad.

Once again it was frustrating for me not to read her thoughts. I could tell there was much more pain inside of her than she was letting on. This self-exilment was hard for her, wearing on her, that I could see, but the extent of it I had no idea.

"I'd be willing to admit you're suffering more than you let on." I said, gauging her response. She tensed. I was right.

"What does it matter to you?" She asked, defensively.

I shrugged. "That's a very good question." A question I really hoped I would get the answer to soon. She looked irritated as she turned towards the blackboard.

"Am I annoying you?" I tried to probe again, to force her mind to reveal itself to me, but there was no such luck.

"Not exactly. I'm more annoyed at myself. My face is too easy to read. My Mother always calls me her open book."

"On the contrary, you are very difficult to read."

"You must be a good reader then." She looked up at me.

"Usually," I smiled. If only she knew.

I couldn't help myself. During our conversation I had been slowly, unconsciously of course, leaning towards her. I took a small whiff of her aroma, and felt like I was drowning. Before the urge to bite came over me I quickly leaned away and held my breath again.

I wasn't paying attention to what Mr. Banner was talking about. I kept my eyes on the clock, willing it to go faster. As soon as the bell rang I rushed out of there into the cold air and breathed in deeply as soon as I was on the other side of the school. Once I gained control of myself I searched through the minds of the kids at school, searching. Soon I found the one I was looking for.

_What does Cullen think he's doing, moving in on Bella._ Mike's thoughts were loud and clear. _Bella wonders what was with him last Monday? He's a jerk, that's what's with him._

Mike seemed to be walking with Bella to her next hour. I couldn't help myself. I skipped my class and loitered outside the gym, focusing in on those around Bella. From what I gathered they were playing volleyball and everyone, including Bella's own team, was afraid of her. Mike was spotting her, thinking himself the gentleman and endearing himself to her. When it was her time to serve everyone panicked.

So Miss Bella Swan was clumsy. I laughed to myself as I pictured her falling all over the court. Before I knew it the bell was ringing. Jasper and Alice saw me and walked with me to the car. We waited for Rosalie and Emmett.

"They're coming, they just took a slight detour over by the trees." Alice said from the passenger side, but it wasn't them I was waiting for.

Soon enough Bella came walking towards the parking lot, her big, puffy jacket making her three times bigger than she really is, her damp hair falling down her back. I couldn't help myself. I breathed in deeply, searching, and once I found her scent I reveled in it.

Bella climbed into her truck and started the car. I watched as she backed out and nearly hit another car, but she slammed on the breaks just in time. I laughed. For Bella Swan, that truck was the perfect car for her. I pitied the poor, flimsy car that would fall prey to her truck.


	6. Chapter VI: Good Deeds Don

**A/N: Sorry about the wait. I'd been in a slump and busy doing other things. I try to write and then I wouldn't feel inspired. After seeing the movie, which was great, gave me another boost. Here's the next chapter!**

Chapter Six: Good Deeds Don't Go Unpunished

"What do you think you're doing?" Alice asked as soon as we got home.

"About what?" I tried ignoring the fact she probably already knew what I had made my mind up to do.

Alice grabbed a hold of my arm, keeping me from going to the piano. She pulled me around so we were facing each other. _The girl, Bella, I see her all the time now._ Her thoughts reached me. I smiled. So Bella was going to become apart of my life. She looked around the room where Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie were talking. Carlisle and Esmé weren't home yet.

_Edward, I don't know about this. It's risky…but if it's what makes you happy, then I'm behind you 100 percent._ She let me go. _Just don't do anything stupid._

"Don't worry." I whispered so only she could hear. I smiled again to reassure her then made my way to the piano. I must have been playing for two hours straight because the next thing I knew Carlisle and Esmé both came into the house.

"There's sun in the forecast, Alice, what's it going to be like tomorrow?" Carlisle asked.

Alice closed her eyes in concentration. "It will be fine. Just enough to melt the snow in the morning, but cloudy all day."

Rosalie asked Esmé how the kids were doing and when she could come with her to work. Carlisle brushed passed me, _Come with me._ Then walked out the door. I waited a few minutes, then followed him out the door, down the road and into the woods.

"Would you like to tell me how your day was?" He asked now that we were safely out of earshot of the rest of the family.

I had never in my life felt so embarrassed. How could I tell him all my troubles were because of a girl? A human girl, for that matter?

"I think I'm controlling the problem I had earlier." I felt was safe enough to say.

"No temptation? Or just better able to handle it?"

"There's a little temptation but I'll eat before going to school."

"And what about Bella? Are you staying away from her?"

I couldn't lie to him but I knew if I told the truth he'd try to persuade me against my decision. "We only have one class together."

By the way he looked at me I suspected he knew I was keeping something back. His eyes penetrated mine as if to read my thoughts. _What aren't you telling me?_ He wondered.

I ran my hands through my hair, "Look, I'll handle this my own way. It will all be fine."

Before he could answer I headed back to the house where the news was turned on. The forecaster said the day tomorrow would be sunny, but we all heard Alice's prediction.

"These guys are fakes. I don't know why they get paid pretending they know about the weather." Emmett laughed, his arm around Rosalie.

"Edward, play us a song so we can dance." Alice said, skipping up to me.

I nodded my head and went to the piano. I began to play a waltz by Chopin. Jasper took Alice in his arms and twirled her about the room. Emmett took Rosalie while Carlisle and Esmé watched. Rosalie had taught Emmett to dance a while back and it was nice seeing my family so happy, so safe. Watching them, though, made me suddenly feel alone. Occasionally we put a record on and Alice or Rosalie would dance with me, but it wasn't the same. The emotions and the way they looked into my eyes wasn't the same.

I stopped playing mid-song which startled them into stopping. "I have to hunt." I explained, and left.

The snow had melted leaving a nice sheet of ice over the ground. In a flash I had the snow tires on the car and ready for us to go to school. Rosalie, Emmett, Alice and Jasper all climbed in and we were off.

"Emmett and I were wondering what we should do when the school year was finished." Rosalie said.

"Ooh, you guys should get married again. I love planning weddings." Alice's eyes lit up and a thousand thoughts and ideas flittered across her mind.

"I don't know if we want a big production like last time." Rosaile said bursting Alice's bubble.

"I think we should go hunt some large animals." Emmett said, smacking his lips.

"Like what, Elephants?" Jasper asked. "Do they taste good?"

I suddenly realized Jasper hadn't ever been to Europe or Africa or Asia. Alice would have to take him some time.

"Elephants, Lions, Rhinos! Hippos, not so much." Emmett said.

"I think an African safari would be nice." Rosalie snuggled next to Emmett. "We could gaze at the starts at night. The sky is so big in Africa."

We soon pulled into the school parking lot without resolving their after graduation plans. I gazed quickly at the cars in the parking lot but failed to see Bella's truck. I began to feel panicky. What if she'd been hurt? The road was slick, and she was so clumsy and fragile. Before my frenzied mind began picturing horrific scenes, I heard the loud roar of her truck and saw her pull into the lot. She parked the car and slowly made her way out, trying not to slip on the ice.

For some reason she cautiously made her way to the back of the truck and stared at the ground. It looked as if she were about to cry and I started to make my way casually over to her to ask what was wrong when I heard the loud, screeching noise. I turned to see a blue van charging dangerously towards Bella, apparently having skidded on the ice and the driver unable to stop the car.

"Edward!" Alice yelled, but I had no time to turn around.

Without thinking, without weighing my options, I leapt towards Bella, using my body as a shield, crouching around her. I shot my hand out just as the van came into contact with us, causing it to skid some more and hit the back of Bella's truck, rocking it a little. Something was still wrong, things were still moving. I noticed Bella's legs were out in front of her and the van was still coming towards them. I quickly pulled her up so her legs were free from the car.

Silence. I felt the warmth of Bella's body emanating towards me. I could hear her blood rushing through her veins, smell her in the air around me, but my mind had never been more focused away from my thirst than at that moment.

"Bella," I said, staring at her shaken form. "Are you alright?"

She looked a little dazed as she stared at the van and the dent my hand made in it.

"I'm fine." She tried to sit up but I held her tighter to my body, my senses drowning.

"Be careful." I warned her. "I think you hit your head pretty hard."

By that time a group of kids had gathered around us, all asking what happened, if Bella was alright. Bella lifted her hand up to the back of her head where she had hit her hid on her truck. "Ow," She said, rubbing the sore spot.

"I thought so." I felt elated and couldn't keep it out of my voice. I had saved her! Emanate death was upon her and all she got out of the bargain was a sore head.

"How in the," She paused, trying to gather her thoughts I guessed. "How did you get over here so fast?"

It suddenly dawned on me. Perhaps I didn't do the right thing by coming over here. Did anyone else see me run with super human speed to Bella's side? I sat back as she tried to sit up, trying to hide the expression on my face from her.

"Don't move." A teacher had come upon us, giving me time to come up with a plausible explanation.

Apparently Tyler was the one driving the van that almost killed Bella. I could hear people walking around to the other side trying to get him out. His thoughts were dazed and confused. He must have hit his head too. That's when I discovered the perfect solution.

"Stay down." I said, gently keeping Bella on the ground after she tried getting up. She complained of the cold and I smiled. If I hadn't reacted the way I did she wouldn't be feeling anything by now.

_Edward, is everything alright?_ Alice's frantic thoughts reached me through the cacophony around us. I glanced her way and nodded my head.

"You were over there." Bella accused, looking up at me. "You were over by your car."

"No I wasn't." I tried to sound sure of myself, to not leave any doubt in my voice.

"But I saw you." She insisted.

"Bella, I was standing with you, and I pulled you out of the way." I looked deeply in her eyes, willing her to believe my version of the story. Her gaze faltered, half believing me already. If only I could tell her the severity of my and my family's situation right now.

"No." She shook her head a little.

"Please, Bella." I knew I couldn't stay much longer to plead with her to accept my side of the story, the ambulance was nearly at the school and soon she'd be taken away.

"Why?" She demanded.

"Trust me."

She turned her head at the sound of the sirens entering the parking lot. "Will you promise to tell me everything later?"

I didn't know what to do. If I said no she might expose us, a small chance, I knew, but all it would take was one person to investigate. "Fine," I relented, unable to think of anything at the moment.

"Fine," She repeated angrily.

We were pinned between the two cars and it took a few people to remove the van. I know I could have done it with a slight push, but that was dangerous. I wouldn't be able to explain that away to anyone, let alone Bella. Once the van was removed an EMT placed a neck brace around Bella's neck. I took a small whiff as a slight breeze grazed by Bella, carrying her scent to me.

"I'm fine," I told an EMT who came to check my vitals. "I think Bella hit her head, though. Do you mind if I ride up front? My father is Dr. Cullen."

"Sure," The EMT agreed.

That's when I heard Chief Swan's crazed thoughts. "Bella!" He yelled over the crowd. I turned to see Bella's face fall as if she were suffering the greatest humiliation of her whole life. I couldn't believe this girl would have rather been hit by a van then have all this attention on her.

"I'm fine, Char—Dad." She said as he came up beside her. "There's nothing wrong."

Chief Swan's thoughts were still on Bella's possible injuries as he turned to the closest EMT to ask his opinion. As they lifted Bella up into the van I saw her eyes staring at the van and the dint my hand made in the side. I could see I had to come up with a story, and quick.

_Where do you think you're going?_ Rosalie's thoughts pierced through into my head. I looked up and saw Rosalie, arms crossed, staring at me in utter disbelief. The rest of my family looked close to the same as Rosalie, a mix of bewilderment and anger. I merely shrugged my shoulders, then got into the front of the EMT and enjoyed my ride to the hospital.

Once we were at the hospital I followed Bella through to the Emergency room. Tyler was in a stretcher behind us, still a little shaken from his experience, but suffering only minor injuries. Once Bella was situated and a nurse taking her vitals, I left to find Carlisle. I had to tell him what happened.

Carlisle was talking with a nurse about a patient in another part of the hospital when I found him. He sensed my presence then excused himself.

"Edward, what is the matter?" He asked. His thoughts swirled through the possibilities. Had I bitten the girl? Was I on my way to Alaska again?

"I'm fine," I said quickly, to keep his thoughts from panicking. "There was an accident at school and I pulled a girl out of the way of a car."

"This wouldn't happen to be _the_ girl?" He questioned, eyeing me suspiciously.

"Actually, this does happen to be the girl." I felt embarrassed. "If I hadn't pulled her out of the way," I thought quickly. "Then she would have been injured and blood would have spilled and I don't know if I would have had the strength to keep from lapping it up."

It didn't look like Carlisle was believing it. "How is the girl?"

"I think she's fine but the thing is I was on the other side of the parking lot when it happened and she--"

"Wonders how you got to her in time?" Carlisle finished.

"Well, yes. I tried convincing her hitting her head disoriented her but she's not believing it."

_This does pose a problem._ He thought to himself.

"I won't hurt her." I said, knowing the other thoughts deep within his head. "And I won't allow anyone else to either."

"All right then, let's take a look at her."

I walked through the hospital back to the emergency room where Bella lay with her eyes closed on the gurney.

"Is she asleep?" I asked Tyler, who was staring at her.

At the sound of my voice Bella's eyes flew open and she stared at me. I softly chuckled.

"Hey, Edward, I'm really sorry—" Tyler began to speak but I interrupted.

"No blood, no foul." I smiled to reassure him. I sat next to Tyler and faced Bella. "What's the verdict?"

Bella looked slightly irritated. "There's nothing wrong with me, but they won't let me go." She paused. "How come you're not strapped to a bed like the rest of us?" She indicated herself and Tyler.

I leaned in close to her and very conspiratorial said, "It's all about who you know. But don't worry, I came to spring you."

Carlisle walked around the curtain having looked through Bella's chart, still flipping through some papers.

"So, Miss Swan," He said standing beside her. "how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine." She said through grated teeth. I smiled at the way her cheeks flared up with having answered that question for the tenth time in the last hour. Carlisle checked her x-ray and said it looked all right.

"Does your head hurt? Edward said you hit it pretty hard." I felt thankful that he was playing up this concussion thing. Perhaps I could convince her she imagined me on the other side of the parking lot.

"It's fine." She answered.

Carlisle put the chart down on the bed and walked closer to Bella. _She does smell good_. He thought while checking her head for bumps.

"Tender?"

"Not really." She winced a little. I laughed again.

"Well," Carlisle said backing away. "You're Father is waiting for you in the waiting room. You can go home with him now but come back if you feel dizzy or have trouble with your eyesight at all."

"I can't go back to school?"

"Maybe you should take it easy for the rest of the day."

Bella looked at me as if I was the source of all this trouble. "Does _he_ get to go back to school?"

"Someone has to spread the good news that we survived," I laughed, crossing my arms.

"Actually, most of the school seems to be in the waiting room." Carlisle informed her, which only made her face fall in unbelief.

"Oh, no." She groaned, cradling her face in her hands.

"Do you want to stay?" Carlisle asked, confused.

"No!" She instantly shot out of bed, but began to fall. Carlisle caught her with his arm, placing her safely upright. He was about to re-question her about how she was feeling when she insisted she was fine and just wanted to go.

After suggesting she take some Tylenol for any pain, she stood aside so she could go.

"It doesn't hurt that bad." She insisted.

"It sounds like you were extremely lucky," Carlisle smiled, finishing up his notes on her chart.

"Yeah, lucky Edward happened to be standing next to me."

I opened my eyes in shock. Was she finally believing my story or was she just trying to prove she could go along with my side? _I don't know what you were worried about._ Carlisle's thoughts reached me

"Well, yes." He said, then began to walk towards Tyler to check on him.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" Bella was beside me, whispering, but no amount of whispering could keep Carlisle from hearing that. So perhaps she wasn't believing me yet.

"I believe your Father is waiting for you." I said, trying to indicate there was nothing to talk about.

"It will only take a moment." She hissed.

I wasn't sure if I should let her try to reason with me. This girl was different, strange from anyone else I ever came in contact with. She was the only human who had ever had this effect on me and I didn't know if I could keep my resolve around her. I walked out of the room, indicating for her to follow me. As soon as we were alone, I quickly turned around.

"What is it you want?" I asked, hoping she'd lose her curiosity and turn around and go home.

"You owe me an explanation." She said matter of fact.

I couldn't believe this girl! Life, apparently, meant very little to her. "I saved your life—I don't owe you anything."

"You promised."

I scoffed, "Bella, you hit your head and you don't know what you are talking about."

"There's nothing wrong with me head." She nearly yelled, not stepping down.

"What do you want from me, Bella?"

"I just want to know the truth."

"What do you think happened?"

And then, with perfect detail, she explained everything the way it really happened. I was yards away from her and in a few short seconds I was by her side, keeping a two-ton van from hitting her, leaving a huge dint in the process. I tried to sound off hand when I questioned her claim of my remarkable strength.

"No one will believe I lifted a van off of you." I hoped this would do it. If she didn't like attention she wouldn't like people questioning her sanity.

"I wasn't going to tell anybody." She said carefully.

I was surprised. Why else would she want to know than to be able to explain to others what happened? "Why does it matter to you then?"

"It matters to me," She held her balled fist up to her chest, "because I don't like to lie and that's what I'm doing for you. I just want to know the reason why I'm doing it."

I rolled my eyes, "Can't you just thank me and be over it?"

"Thank you." She said through gritted teeth.

"You're not going to let it go, are you?"

"No."

I sighed, "In that case," I leaned in closer and she leaned in closer as well. "I hope you enjoy disappointment."

I stood back enjoying the look on her face. Quite suddenly she looked angrily at me.

"Why did you even bother!"

"I don't know."

I felt I was on the edge of explaining myself to her and before I made that mistake I walked away from her. I waited for Carlisle in his office and knew he'd stop by soon. After only a few short minutes I heard him down the hallway, making his way to the door. I opened it for him and he stood there, looking surprised.

"I wasn't sure if you were going to stay." He smiled. "Is everything all right?"

"No—I don't know." He fell back into the chair and shook my head with my hands, trying to clarify my thoughts.

"Edward, what is the matter?" Carlisle was beside me in a second.

"I don't know. She's getting to me. Maybe I should go away." But I knew even before I said the words that I could never leave. It would take a greater force than I to remove me from Bella.

"Wait till we get home to decide on something like that." Carlisle said, his arm around my shoulders. "Would you like to stay here until my shift is finished?"

"No, I'll stop by the school and let Alice know where I'm going, then I'll just go home." I stood up and Carlisle gave me a hug before watching me leave the office.

I was hooked, I knew, on this girl, this mortal. I couldn't stay away from her and I couldn't afford to get close to her. I instinctly knew she'd be the downfall of us all…or vice versa.


	7. Chapter VII: Theories

**A/N: Woohoo, final-freakin-ment (fina-freakin-ly in French) I'm finished with my longest chapter!!! I did something I told myself I shouldn't do…I read SM Midnight Sun. Yes, I knew it would mess up my creative juices, but I couldn't help it. Hopefully it won't influence my story so much and I'll breathe a sigh of relief when I get passed the point where she stopped. Alright, on with the show!**

Chapter Seven: Putting Theories Into Practice

"They've gone home." Alice said, standing by the car. "I stayed behind to tell you. Not like any of the teachers care, half the school is at the hospital anyway." She smirked, her arms folded across her chest.

"Get in." I said, opening the passenger door for her.

"I don't think so." She grabbed the keys from me and walked around to the other side and before I could complain she was in the drivers seat with the car started.

I got into the car and before the door was closed Alice was flying out of the parking lot and down the road, away from the school. It wasn't until we passed the street that went to our house that I spoke up.

"Where is it you are taking me?" I questioned, curious.

"I think we need to talk." She said, a slightly confused look on her face.

"Fine, let's talk."

"Don't read my mind, please. I'm having a hard time getting my thoughts together." She paused and I went deaf to her thoughts. The trees were nothing but a green blur as she zipped down the road, around corners, and passed traffic.

The day's events played themselves in my mind, occupying my thoughts. Looking back I could see it was a reaction, an involuntary reaction to shielding Bella from certain death. I hadn't even thought of the danger it posed to us. Would I have done anything different? Honestly, no. Even if it meant exposure, I would have saved her at any cost.

I looked out the window again, trying to rid my mind of these startling thoughts. The silence in the car was deafening and it took all my strength not to hear what Alice was thinking.

"Are we going to Canada?" I asked, breaking the silence.

"Edward, I don't know what you did back there but it changed everything." Alice kept her eyes focused in front of her though I knew it wasn't the road she was concentrating on. "How well do you know Bella?" She asked, turning her gaze to me.

"Not well at all. We share a class together." I shrugged my shoulders.

Alice laughed. "She's at the house, meeting everyone. Rosalie is…gone. Not far away, just out of the way."

She. Did Alice mean Bella? At our house? Would Bella be welcomed at our house?

"Does she know?" I asked, feeling my hope sink.

Alice squinted her eyes. "I'm not sure. It seems she has yet to accept the proof. But I believe if she gets that close to us our secret will be revealed."

There was another long pause. Bella would be the only human to know my secret. Did I want her to? Would that fact change any of our futures? Would it change hers? I hoped to God that her life would go on being fulfilled the way nature intended. I knew I should keep away from her, remove myself from her life completely to offer her a chance at happiness, but I was suddenly feeling very selfish. She made me happy, for some unknown reason, and I wanted to keep that feeling.

"Everyone is scared, so be prepared for that when we get home." Alice made a quick u-turn and headed home.

Soon we pulled up to the house and it looked as if Carlisle and Esmé were home as well. Alice grabbed my hand and gave it a quick squeeze as we made our way inside. The noise from the television coming form the living room greeted us. The others were standing around, pretending to watch, turning to look at me at the sound of our entrance. Rosalie's was the only truly angered face and her thoughts mimicked my own worse ones.

_You think she's not going to ruin us? What person in their right mind would want to befriend a monster?_ Rosalie stared at me, picturing to herself how she could make sure Bella didn't tell our secret.

"I just want to say," Carlisle started before too many feelings got hurt, "That Edward did a very noble thing today in saving that girl." Esmé nodded her head in agreement. "But we need to take some precautions now that we know for sure someone suspects us."

"Edward seems to not care any more about whether or not people know we're vampires." Rosalie couldn't help saying. Emmett was beside her, sort of standing between her and me.

"Wait just a second, Rosalie." Carlisle tried calming her down. "Alice, what do you see?"

Alice glanced quickly at me, then back to Carlisle. "Bella doesn't tell anyone. In fact she doesn't even know. She sticks with Edward's retelling of events."

"Good, that's good. Let us know if any of that changes. As of now we should be on our guards. No contact with humans that would seem suspicious. We should all be prepared to run at a moments notice. Start taking your cell phones to school and call me if anything goes wrong."

"Where should we rendezvous in case we can't come home?" Jasper asked, always the strategist.

"Since we're so close to Alaska, we'll go to Tanya's." Carlisle looked around the room to make sure everyone understood the seriousness of these plans.

"What were you planning on doing, Edward?" Rosalie spat, unable to control herself. "There's a word for what you are, you know? Incubus!"

I had heard those thoughts swirl around her head as she glared at me, the images she produced burning a hole in my mind,, but hearing them in the open flipped a trigger inside me. I leapt at Rosalie, wanting to hurt her but of course Emmett had thrown me across the room, causing me to slam into the wall. Carlisle and Jasper were at my side, each holding an arm while Emmett's arms were around Rosalie, whispering into her ear to calm down.

"Stop it!" Alice shrieked, comforting Esmé who was sobbing.

"I'm fine now." I said and slowly my arms were released. Rosalie's face was in shock. I didn't even care.

"Oh my." Alice said, startling us all. She was standing next to Esmé, her eyes clouded over, caught up in a vision. Finally she smiled and then looked at us all.

"What is it you saw?" Carlisle asked.

Alice's eyes focused on me. "There's no need to worry, really. Bella won't tell our secret."

"Does she know then?" Rosalie asked. _One little visit from me and our secret will be buried with her._

I couldn't help the growl that issued forth from my mouth. Rosalie glared at me, unafraid.

Alice squinted. "She doesn't know, but one day she'll have to know." She paused and laughed. "One day she'll be just like us."

Silence. We stood motionless, each contemplating this new turn of events. The one girl who came dangerously close to knowing our secret and showing no signs of wanting to tell everybody, would have a share in our secret? She would become a vampire?

I tried picturing Bella cold and lifeless, like we were. Her warm, brown eyes turning black, or amber, or worse, red. Red glaring eyes staring from her pale, cold face. Frozen in time, she'd never age, never grow old…

"No." I said and suddenly all eyes were on me. I didn't want that for her. It couldn't be. I'd do anything to save her from the fate we shared. "No." I said, barely audible, as if to change the future that Alice saw.

I left the room and the house altogether and went outside. I knew Carlisle followed me but I was going to let him make the first move.

"I'm sorry for what happened. Rosalie is scared and that's the only way she knows how to handle it."

"I don't care about what she thinks of me its…" I stopped. Rosalie could be a vicious person when it came to her loved ones, and what she thought of Bella made me sick. "If she hurts Bella I'm out. You tell her Bella is off limits or…" I stopped. I couldn't believe I was willing to put Bella in front of my sister.

"All humans are off limits and anyone who willfully and wantonly violates that is out of the family, as you know."

I shuddered, remembering those months I spent on my own. So lonely, always thinking of blood and where to find my next victim. Even if I chose to kill those who I thought deserved death, who I was I to give it to them? I stared at my hands that had caused so much pain…had been through so much pain. Carlisle put his arm around me and hugged me.

"Edward, my son, everything is going to work out fine. Please, believe me."

"I won't let her become a vampire." I voiced my thoughts. "I'll stay away from her if that's what it takes. I'll go somewhere else."

"Edward, hush." Carlisle stopped me. "If you leave now there will be talk about why you left so suddenly. If you wish to leave, please, wait a little while longer, until the car accident is no longer a topic of conversation."

I nodded me head and told him I wanted time alone. He left me to myself out in the woods, alone, among the trees. I thought about all the harm I could have brought on my family. It wouldn't be the first time we had to move on account of someone guessing what we were. Either Alice saw it in a vision or I heard their thoughts and we were out of there, leaving no trace of what we were behind. But somehow this was different.

Bella, this strange girl whose thoughts were closed to me, seemed unconcerned about those around her knowing what happened earlier today. She didn't bring it up at all to anyone else, only demanding me telling her how I got to her so quickly. She wasn't going to be convinced her head injury confused her. And if our acquaintance persisted, Alice predicted one day she would become like me.

I shook myself out of my reverie and listened for the voices coming from the house. I didn't hear Rosalie or Emmett and assumed they went hunting. That wouldn't be such a bad idea, especially for me. I had resolved to cool things between Bella and me and as soon as it was safe, I was going to leave. Better she hate me than become a monster with me.

After years of trying to block out the mundane thoughts of the student body of Forks High School, I was suddenly so aware of everyone's mind, what they were thinking, and for only one reason. If I couldn't talk with her I at least wanted to know what she was talking about and with whom. I had sunk so low as to becoming a common eavesdropper.

Rosalie sat silently at the lunch table. Emmett was silent as well, but he was being very alert and not at all his usual joking self. Alice and Jasper were talking in low whispers about where they wanted to go hunting this upcoming weekend. But I knew what was on everybody's mind.

Bella Swan. Did she know yet? Would she tell? How close was she to knowing? Alice never saw the upheaval that would occur should Bella know our secret, but we were still restless. If we hadn't just moved here two years ago we would probably have left but starting life over again somewhere new is tedious. I scanned the thoughts of those around Bella as they asked for a recap of yesterdays events and not once did she mention the unusual speed it took me to be by her side to save her life.

So far, we were safe.

After lunch was Biology. Going to class caused so many mixed emotions within me. I believe Bella had become addictive to me in more than one way. First her scent, which was at first so strong I was willing to kill her for her blood, I was now able to take in small doses and control myself properly between long breaths of air. Then there was the mystery of her closed mind. What would cause such an anomaly? There must be some clue about her that would give me the answer. Or at least that's what I used as an excuse for my eagerness to sit beside her.

I was the first to class and quickly sat in my seat. As soon as I saw Bella enter I took a huge breath of air, filling my lungs, hoping it would be enough to use to answer any questions the teacher might ask. I stared straight ahead at the chalkboard, hoping Bella would take the hint, and not talk to me.

I saw her out of my peripheral vision walking down the aisle of desks and sit down next to me. "Hello, Edward." She said a little cheerily, as if she were pleased to see me.

What to do? If I spoke I risked loosing some of the precious air I had stored up for the next hour. If I didn't acknowledge her at all…well, I couldn't bare to see her utterly hurt by my actions. I chose to slightly turn my head her direction and nod in recognition.

Good, that was good. As long as I can keep this up for a few more weeks, I'd be free to leave.

_Huh, looks like saving Bella from the car didn't put him in her good graces. What a loser._ Mike thought a few rows back. _What a freak show!_

I gripped my hand into a fist, then quickly released it. What did I care what Mike thought of me? His thoughts were much the same since I started school here, so why should I react the way I am now? I refused to analyze that thought, then concentrated on holding my breath.

Class was over none too quickly. Bella fidgeted beside me the entire hour, sometimes doodling on a piece of paper, other times trying to focus on the teacher. I stole quick glances her way when I was sure she wasn't looking. I liked the way her hair fell down her back, like cascades of water. And the way her shoulders rounded when she leaned over her desk to write something down. I tried to picture what her face looked like, pale, clean with brown eyes staring at you…no, through you. Bella saw what most people ignored.

"How was class?" Alice asked, coming up beside me as I walked to my next subject.

"Fine." I replied icedly.

_Bella still alive?_ She tried joking with me, but I didn't think it was funny at all. _I'll see you later._

After the day was over I counted it as a success. I had no real communication with Bella. She stopped pestering me about what really happened. Perhaps this would all work out in the end. We drove home in silence. Rosalie still throwing insults at me through her thoughts. I didn't care any more. I was going to stick around long enough to make sure Bella wouldn't be harmed, then I'd be out of here.

A month to a mortal may sometimes feel like an eternity, but to us immortals it can go by in a flash. Unless, of course, you're me. Having to sit next to Bella for one hour every day was excruciating. I wondered why she had stopped bothering to question me about her near death experience. Did she loose interest that quickly? Or did she just wish she never met me?

I kept my bargain with myself and refused to speak with her. Alice's visions of the future were still free of us being exposed, so no drastic measures were being discussed at home. We all began to relax a little and fell back into our regular pattern.

"I think I'll be leaving soon." I announced to Carlisle and Esme one evening while Rose and Emmett were out hunting. Alice and Jasper, who were watching the news, turned to look at me with surprise.

"Leaving?" Esme asked, concerned.

_Why would you do that?_ Alice asked, the hurt showing through her eyes.

I didn't know how to explain the reasoning behind my decision. I knew I was making the right choice but was afraid if I expressed those reasons behind it, my family would try to convince me to stay. I was more afraid I'd listen and stay. The consequences of me staying were just too enormous for me to ignore any longer.

"I think I'll go to Europe for a while, hunt in the Alps or something." I shrugged my shoulders to show them my plans were as of yet not set in stone.

"Edward, may we please talk this through?" Carlisle asked, putting his arm around Esme to comfort her.

Esme would probably be the hardest to leave. Aside from Carlisle, she was the only other vampire I knew the longest and she had truly began to feel like a mother to me. Leaving her would almost be like loosing my Mother again.

"I'll be back, of course." I reassured. "Ten…twenty years tops, I promise." Perhaps by then Bella would have moved on, settled down, started her own family. I pictured her twenty years older, a half a dozen children surrounding her, and an unknown man standing in the background, thanking God for her. I ground my teeth together at that image.

Alice looked at me quizzically then quickly hid her face. I was about to ask her what was wrong, when I heard Jasper's thoughts. _It won't be the same without you._ I knew our bond was strong. Esme, Carlisle and Rosalie and never sucked a human dry. Emmett had, but he dismissed it all as a mere accident, like a recovering alcoholic taking a sip of beer, then laughing about it later. I was the one Jasper went to when he needed some understanding.

"I'll leave tomorrow night." I said, trying to convey the seriousness of my situation. "It's been a month since the accident and I think you'll be safe."

"It's been a month to the day." Esme said, in wonder.

"It's almost dawn, where are those two?" Carlisle stared out the windows, searching in the darkness, trying to find Emmett and Rosalie.

"Maybe we could all go out hunting tomorrow night, one last time?" Jasper smiled, _We could go to the park._

The rest of the evening passed uneventfully. As Alice, Jasper and I got into the car we saw Rosalie and Emmett glide out of the trees, hair a little disheveled, but otherwise ready for school.

"Hunting?" Jasper raised an eyebrow.

"What?" Emmett asked in defense. "Are you saying if you had Alice alone in the dark woods you wouldn't take advantage of her?"

"You just missed an important announcement last night." Jasper paused. "Edward is leaving. We're going hunting one last time tonight, then he'll be gone."

"What?" Both Emmett and Rosalie said at once, out loud and in their head.

"I just think it would be best and now that we're in the clear, it's safest." I explained as I drove to school.

The car ride was silent. I could hear their thoughts, trying to find ways to talk me out of leaving. Rosalie blamed Bella, and I suppose in a way she was right. If Bella had never come into my life, it would be like any other day. Go to school, answer questions, go home, hunt, then start over the next day. The same, mundane boring day. I gripped the steering wheel in frustration, refusing to imagine my life with Bella in it.

When we arrived I quickly got out of the car and headed to my first class. I didn't want them to try to convince me when I was vulnerable. If they had asked me to stay while I was thinking of Bella I would have said "yes" in a proverbial heart-beat. This way it would be easier, I kept telling myself.

_She obviously hasn't found the time…or the courage._ I tuned into Mike's thoughts. Over the last month when I spied on Bella for the purpose of seeing whether or not she would tell anyone about the accident, I had used Mike mostly and now his thoughts were almost as well known to me as my families.

_I just need to prod her in the right direction. Let her know I'll say yes._ I wondered what he was thinking about. _But just in case, I'm glad I didn't say "no" to Jess._

I scanned the student body and finally found Mike walking to his first class. He didn't seem too observant, like he was deep in thought. He walked passed a bulletin board and taped to it was a bright pink flyer reminding the school of the upcoming Sadies dance. Could it be he was thinking of the dance?

All through the day I kept hearing Mike's incessant mantra _She will ask you._ It wasn't until Lunch that I discovered what had happened. Jessica, the girl whom I deduced Mike was thinking about, was as vocal in her mind.

_I bet it's Bella._ As she thought this she glared at Bella, who was busy eating, keeping her eyes on her food. _She thinks she can just waltz in her and take whatever guy she wishes, all of them in fact. I hate her, I hate her, I hate her._ _Stupid Mike, thinks I'll just wait around. Maybe I'll ask Tyler, and if Bella says no then Mike will have to go alone. That would serve him._

I smiled at the teenage drama playing out in front of me. Reading Bella's face I could tell she felt uncomfortable at the table, between Mike and Jessica.

_What are you concentrating so hard on?_ Alice asked.

I slowly turned my head to look at her questioningly. _You can't fool me, Edward._ She gave a mischievous little grin, then began talking with Jasper.

As soon as the bell rang I headed to Biology. I didn't want to miss one second I could spend next to Bella. I needed to breathe her in just one more time, to keep her in my memory. I sat in my seat and waited for her to enter. As she walked down the aisle she tripped on someone's backpack and would have fallen if she hadn't caught the edge of the desk. I laughed quietly to myself. I'd miss that part of her too, the clumsiness.

Bella sat in her seat and looked eager for class to start. _There she is, okay, play it cool._ Mike came into the class and sat on the edge of her desk. He gave me one quick look, then began talking to Bella.

"So, Jessica asked me to Sadies." _This is where you say, "Oh, I was going to ask you."_

Instead, Bella said, "That's great." I could literally see Mike's face fall. "You'll have a lot of fun with Jessica."

"Well…" _WhatdoIdowhatdoIdo?_ "I told her I had to think about." _Just ask me already!_

"Why would you do that?" I wanted to laugh! Surely Bella wasn't this naïve? She must know Mike was practically drooling over her every day for the passed month. I had often wondered if Bella had any feelings for Mike, but thinking of them going to the dance together, his arms around her frame made me suddenly angry.

"I was, uh, wondering if you were going to ask me."

Here was the moment of truth. I would finally know Bella's feelings for Mike. Mike made his only all too known to me. The things he thought about Bella made me want to rip his throat out but now I would know…

There was a pause. I wanted to scream at her to answer already, she was keeping us in suspense. Finally she looked up, "Mike, I think you should tell her yes."

YES! I shouted within. Now I knew Bella had no feelings for Mike. The shadowed man in the background of Bella's future family was not Mike. _Did she just say no?_

"Did you already ask someone?" _That has to be it. She's too good to cancel on someone to go with me._

"No, I'm actually not going to the dance at all."

Well, this was a curious turn of events. I thought everyone in High School went to the dances. Some sort of twisted right of passage. Or was that just the Prom? For a split second I had pictured her dancing with all the other available boys in the school.

"Why not?" Mike asked, the answer of which I also wanted to know.

"I'm going to Seattle that Saturday." She gave him a friendly smile.

_Seattle?!_ Mike found it incredulous she'd rather go to Seattle than dance with him. "Can't you go some other weekend?"

"Sorry, no. So you shouldn't make Jessica wait any longer—it's rude."

It suddenly dawned on me. I couldn't believe Bella was this self-sacrificing. She'd rather not go to the dance at all then to hurt both Mike and Jessica's feelings. I turned my head to look at her, trying to penetrate the thick cloud around her that made it so I couldn't read her thoughts. I needed to know what she was thinking!

Class started and Mike walked away a little dejectedly. His thoughts suddenly turned to Jessica and what she'd look like in a bikini. I couldn't believe Mike's fantasies could be so easily fitted to any girl in the school. Suddenly Bella was looking at me, strait into my eyes. The deep, brown depths questioning me, it seemed. I stared into them, hoping the answer to the riddle that was Bella would be in them somewhere.

"Mr. Cullen?" Mr. Banner asked, _Perhaps this is the one question he can't answer. I only just went over the Krebs Cycle._

Teachers were so predictable. I turned slowly to look him in the eye and said, "The Krebs cycle."

He looked at me in astonishment and promised himself never to ask me another question for the rest of the year. I turned to look at Bella but she had her face hidden behind a curtain of hair.

It was then I inhaled slowly and caught her scent, so enthralling, so intoxicating. For the first time since I met her I felt a stronger desire inside me, almost stronger than my thirst. I had reduced myself to Mike's level and began fantasizing about her. It wasn't hard when Mike had nearly gone through everything already. I merely recalled all his thoughts and spent the rest of the class period with thoughts that would cause even Emmett to blush.

I suddenly didn't want to go away. I didn't want to leave her, I felt she was apart of me and leaving her would be leaving a part of me behind. I wanted to know what she thought of me. If she even felt one tenth of what I felt then perhaps…

The bell rang and Bella began packing her things into her backpack. Without thinking I said, "Bella." Catching her attention before she went on to her next class.

Her back straitened when I said her name but she turned slowly to me, "What? Are you speaking to me again?"

Her words stung me, but I knew I deserved it. I ignored her for the past few weeks. Who was I to cast her aside and pick her up whenever I felt like it. Perhaps my fantasies were just that…fantasies.

"No," I said. "I guess not."

"Then what do you want, Edward?" The sound of my name on her lips sounded so good. I wished she would say it again, but she couldn't.  
We couldn't….

"I'm sorry." I finally said. This was stupid. I should have left last night. I knew being around her would be too tempting, but I wanted to see her, smell her again. Just one more time. "I know I'm being very rude, but it's better this way. Trust me."

"I don't know what you mean." She looked frustrated, refusing to meet my eyes.

"It's better if we're not friends." I explained, struggling on the mediocre word for what I hoped we could have evolved to.

"It's just too bad you didn't figure that out before." She said bitterly. "You could have saved yourself all this regret."

"Regret?" What could I possible regret? She had awoken in me the most human feelings I had ever felt since becoming a vampire. The last thing I felt was regret in knowing her. "Regret for what?"

"For not letting that stupid van squish me."

Her words cut through me. This is what she thought? She thought I regretted saving her? I wanted to grab her in my arms, hold her tight tell her how I really felt. But I couldn't.

"You think I regret saving you?"

"I _know_ you do."

"You don't know anything." I was angry that all this time this is what she thought of me. If only she knew the struggling I had gone through, to keep myself away from her. She didn't need me in her life, but I was beginning to need her in mine.

She quickly turned away and grabbed the things from off her desk and headed out of the room. Before she got out, though, she tripped, sending all her books sprawled out in front of her. I was there in a flash before she even registered what happened. I had her books neatly piled and handed them to her.

"Thank you." She said, the feeling not going beyond the words.

"You're welcome."

I ditched last period. I wouldn't have been able to sit there calmly without exploding, so I sat in the car and waited for the others. I owed them one last night or else I would have left already. One last night together as a family for at least twenty years.

I heard the bell ring, announcing the end of school. I waited in the car when I heard someone mention Bella. I turned and saw a tall boy casually leaning against Bella's truck. Curious, I got out of the car to investigate.

_Of course Bella wouldn't go out with Mike. Probably just waiting for me to ask her, is all._ A boy I recognized, but couldn't name was apparently waiting to ambush Bella. This would prove to be amusing, I thought, hiding myself behind a van.

Soon I spotted Bella walking towards her car, surprised to see the kid standing there.

"Hey, Eric." She said after getting over her surprise of seeing him there.

"Hi, Bella." _Okay, here it goes._

"What's up?" She asked, unlocking her door.

"I was, uh, wondering if you would, er, go to the dance with me." _Say yes, say yes…_

"I thought it was girls choice." A very diplomatic response, I thought.

"Well, yeah…" Eric was at a loss for words. I smiled. For a moment there the image of Bella in his arms was beginning to haunt me. She gave her Seattle excuse and watched him walk away.

I couldn't believe it. Bella either hated dances, or didn't like any of the guys here. Eric thought the Seattle excuse was just that, an excuse and I was beginning to think that as well, but I could see there was something else lurking there, some other unknown reason. I couldn't help but chuckle as I walked passed her towards my car.

_Oh, man. I missed her! What if I don't get a chance before she says yes to some other loser?_ Tyler's thoughts carried over the parking lot to me. Well, I could test my theory. Suddenly I had a plan. I hurried to my car as I heard Bella's truck roar to life. I swerved between a few cars so that I was ahead of Bella in line to get out. I put it in park and got out. I looked over and saw Tyler's car behind Bella's. He looked at me, then at the people behind him. I smiled.

My plan was working. Tyler put his car in park and hurried over to the driver's side of Bella's truck. He tapped on her window, then waited for her to roll the window down.

"I'm sorry, I'm stuck behind Cullen." I had hoped she say my name again, but I guess once would have to do.

_Thank God!_ Tyler thought. "Oh, I know—I just wanted to ask you something while we're trapped here." He grinned.

I saw the color rush to Bella's cheeks and could hear her heart rate quicken. Was this the guy she was hoping would ask her? I bared my teeth and couldn't help the growl that bubbled up through my throat, scaring a freshman walking passed me.

"Will you take me to Sadies?"

I waited for her answer, afraid of what I would do if she said yes. "I'm not going to be in town, Tyler." I felt myself relax.

"Yeah, Mike said that," _Thought she just didn't want to go with him._

"Then why—" Bella began, confusion clouding her features.

Tyler shrugged, "I was hoping you were just letting him down easy."

Bella huffed, "Sorry, Tyler, but I really am going out of town."

What if Bella really was going out of town? What if those plans weren't just an excuse to get out of going to this dance? There would be plenty of other dances, Prom included. She'd go, sooner or later, with some guy.

It was at that moment that the others arrived. _Why are you stopping traffic?_ Emmett thought. Alice looked knowingly behind at Bella and the retreating back of Tyler.

"Let's go, I'm starved." Emmett slid into the back seat with Rose and Jasper and Alice got into the front passenger.

I looked once in the rearview mirror and caught a glimpse of Bella, staring furiously at me. I smiled, and before Alice could make any comments aloud or in her head, I sped away as fast as I could.


	8. Chapter VIII: Lullabies

**A/N: Wow, another chapter out so quickly. I'm really getting my writing flow back. Thanks to all you who review. It's like heroine to a writer! I always need more.**

Chapter 8: Lullabies

In the darkness vampires can see as if it were day. Another advantage, I guess you could say, to being an immortal being. Though there weren't enough of those to out-way the disadvantages, I thought as I passed through the trees practically unseen by the wildlife.

We left as soon as Carlisle came home from his shift at the hospital and went all the way to Mount Rainier. Emmett had already downed a bear and was sharing with Rosalie. Jasper and Alice were tracking a herd of deer while Esme, Carlisle and I were focusing on a couple of bucks. Their scent, though not as appetizing as humans, was easy to track. We had the bucks in no time and after we were full we met near a rocky stream.

"So what do you want to do now?" Emmett asked, wiping some blood from his face. He was always one to play with his food and by the look of his torn, bloodied clothes, tonight was no exception.

"Maybe we could go to Seattle and enjoy the night life." Alice prompted.

"I'm not going in public with him looking like that." Rosalie smiled, playfully pushing Emmett away from her. He pushed her back and they started to wrestle.

"This is Edward's night," Esme reminded us. "Let's let him decide."

The only problem was I didn't want to do anything. Tonight's hunt didn't do what I had hoped it would. I wanted to relax, to fall back into who I was before Bella came, but I knew I'd never be able to get her out of my existence. I was slowly turning into the world's first clinically depressed vampire.

"I think we should just go home. I need to get ready if I'm to leave before dawn."

Their thoughts were hoping I would change my mind out here, but they were suddenly realizing I was going to leave. I looked at them each in turn, wishing I didn't have to leave them, wanting…I don't know what. When I landed on Alice's face she hid it from me and she was singing in her head. She only ever did that when she wished to hide her thoughts from me. I was about to ask her about that when Carlisle suggested we all leave.

I was going to travel light so all I took with me was a few thousand dollars and my I-pod, fully loaded with my most favorite music. Alice promised she'd box up my cds and treat them as if they were ancient artifacts when they moved.

"Edward?" Jasper knocked on my open door. I was standing in the middle of the room, looking at my wall of music and books, saying my final farewells.

_Can we talk?_ He thought, after I turned to him. I nodded and he came into the room and shut the door.

"Do you have to leave?" He asked, pleading in his eyes.

"Yes, I do." I felt sorry to leave him here.

"Maybe Alice and I can go with you. I don't think I'm doing this human thing right."

I laughed, "Jasper, you're doing fine. You're heart is in the right place and no one can look down on you for making a mistake."

He sighed, "Yes, but one mistake means a person dying. Sometimes I think life was easier in the south with Maria. No restraint, pure instinct, a little tactics. I thought it was what we were made for." He paused.

"And then you grew tired of being a monster." I finished for him. I, too, was tired of being the stuff nightmares were made of. "It gets easier the longer you do it. Look at Carlisle. He can be around bleeding people and not even notice."

"Yeah, it'll probably take me twice as long." He paused again. "What do you think happens to our kind when we…if we ever die?"

"I honestly don't know." Though I had a gut feeling that we just disappeared. Where was there a heaven for vampires whose existence depended on the deaths of others? My theories on the subject were not what I wanted to leave with Jasper, though. Let Carlisle feed him the sugar and fluff of the afterlife.

"We're going to miss you." Jasper said, and gave me a hug. "As soon as I graduate I'm going to come find you, okay? I think Alice can live without me for a few months." He smiled, then left me to myself.

After feeling myself prepared I said my goodbyes and left. It was around two in the morning, the stars were glimmering through the clouds and the lack of wind caused everything to be still and silent.

I sauntered around town for a while, imagining what it would look like in twenty years or so. It had changed so drastically since the last time we were in the area, I wondered what new changes waited to be made. That was when I caught her scent. I was near the school, where her scent was strongest. Without knowing what I was doing I followed it through town, to the outskirts where a small neighborhood, nestled next to the forest, was.

So this is where Bella lives. I smiled up at the little two-story house. It looked so normal, so like every other house on the street, but inside was the strangest human I had ever met. I stood there for who knows how long, casually listening in on the neighbors thoughts, their dreams. Everyone within a mile radius was asleep. I made a tour of the outside of the house, smelling her scent, before climbing my way up a tree and peered into the nearest window.

I couldn't hear any thoughts in there. Officer Swan's dreams were low and mellow in the room on the other side of the house. This had to be Bella's room, I surmised. I leapt through the air and landed on the roof just above the window, without making a sound. I leaned over to peer inside and saw a sparsely decorated room; closet open, full of clothes, desk with an outdated computer on it, hamper and there in the center was the bed.

"Bella." I whispered her name, so low and sweet on my tongue. I inhaled deeply and caught her scent, much stronger here.

Without realizing what I was doing I opened her window, luckily it was unlocked. I slid into the room and closed the window behind me, then turned to stare at the sleeping form on the bed. The little light coming from outside gave her a dull, ethereal glow. I walked slowly towards her and stared at her face, the curve of her cheek, her lips, her closed eyes, the way her hair flowed over her pillow and down the bed. I had never seen anything so beautiful in my life. I felt an ache within me, knowing I would leave her here for some other guy to sweep off her feet, kiss her, hold her hand…

I ground my teeth together thinking who that man might be. I pictured Mike kissing her, and it sent a fury within me, the likes of which I had never known. She stirred, taking me out of my thoughts. She began to move restlessly in bed, her sheets becoming entangled around her feet.

"Shh," I said as gently as I could. I knelt down by her bed and began to hum a song, the tune coming to me as I stared at her. Slowly she calmed and I gently straightened her sheets out for her. When she had settled back down I leaned over her, holding my breath, and kissed her warm, soft cheek.

I felt the warmth course through my body, exhilarating and all consuming. I backed away quickly, afraid I'd wake her. I shook myself and wondered what kind of pervert would sneak into a girl's room, sing her a lullaby and kiss her?

"Goodbye Bella." I said, then walked towards the window.

"Hmm…" Her voice stopped me. I turned, afraid she had awakened. She was still asleep, a small smile on her face. "Stay. Edward."

I was next to her bed in less than a second. Did she just say my name? She said, "Stay." Right? I willed her to speak again, cursing once more my inability to read her mind.

"Edward." She whispered, then turned over onto her side so she was facing me.

"Yes?" I said.

"Hmm…stay."

Needless to say I stayed the entire night. I stood in a shadowy corner of her room and watched her sleep. She didn't speak again, but grew restless once more, and I hummed the song again, causing her to calm. She was so delicate, so breakable and I never wanted to be with anyone else as much as I wanted to be with her. How I wished she had asked me to the dance. If only I was the one guy in the school she had wanted to go with.

Remembering she was going to Seattle I cringed. As accident prone as she was, what would a trip to Seattle do to her? And her truck? I stared out the window at her ancient truck. Sure it was built like a tank, but the brakes on that thing couldn't be all too good. The possibilities of anything bad happening to Bella next weekend were just too high. I couldn't leave her. Even if I couldn't be with her, I couldn't let anything harm her.

It was in that moment I decided to stay. I suddenly understood why Alice never talked me out of leaving, she knew I wouldn't. Did she see tonight? Did she still see Bella coming over, meeting my parents?

All too soon I knew the sun would began to rise and I knew I had to leave. I needed to get back home before the others went to school without me. I gave one last longing look at Bella, then snuck out her window, happy once more.

Walking back home, I felt elated that I had finally resolved what to do. I was to stay, and that was final. No longer would I have to hide from my feelings. I was falling in love with Bella, and that was the fact of the matter. Whether she loved me or not was another matter.

I stared up into the sky, slowly going light with the sun rising. There, up between the tufts of cloud, was Venus, the Morning Star. Goddess of Love, she now looked down on me and smiled. I felt grateful that I had finally found what I'd been searching for.

~*~*~*~

"Edward?" Rosalie was shocked to see me walking up the gravel driveway. She was on her way to the garage, apparently getting into her car.

"Yep, it's me." I said, smiling.

At that moment Alice, Jasper and Emmett stepped out of the house, only two of which were surprised to see me. _Knew you'd come back._ Alice smiled down at me.

"Did you know he was coming back?" Rosalie asked, turning to look at Alice as she skipped down the steps.

"Uh-huh." Was all she would answer.

"I swear, you too have more secrets than the rest of us combined." Rosalie huffed. "I suppose we're going to pile into the Volvo again?"

"You're chariot awaits." I smiled, and got into the front seat.

"Oh, Edward, I forgot to tell you, they're doing blood typing in Biology today." Alice said as I began driving to school. "Oh, and I already told Carlisle and Esme. Didn't want them worrying about you."

"Thanks." I said, then flipped through the cd's in my car, searching for Debussy. Claire de Lune always seemed to compliment my happy moods.

"Ugh, Edward, do we have to suffer with you?" Rosalie called from the back while Emmett nuzzled her neck.

"Thanks for coming back. Now I'm stuck back here again with these two." Jasper punched the back of my seat playfully.

I felt so exhilarated, being back and knowing myself and what I was feeling better than I ever had. I turned the music up, much to Rosalie's dislike, and enjoyed the rest of the ride. As I pulled the car into the parking lot I made a quick scan to see if Bella was here yet. She had had a slightly restless night and I wondered if she was refreshed. Her car was nowhere in sight.

"You guys go ahead, I'm going to stay behind a while." The others looked at me a little quizzically, then walked off towards their first class.

I heard her truck shortly thereafter, and began walking towards school, hoping I'd be able to intercept her as she went to her first class. I watched as her truck pulled in, and park on the opposite side of the lot from my Volvo. I grinned.

Bella seemed more beautiful than even last night, which I found hard to believe. It seemed me coming to terms with my growing love for her opened my eyes to her true beauty. I watched as she got out of the truck, grabbed her things and slammed the door shut. She was about to lock the door when her keys began to fall. While she was distracted I moved as fast as I could without anyone seeing, and stood next to her.

"Gah!" She exclaimed, standing up, her keys dripping water having fallen into a puddle. "How do you do that?" She demanded, a little annoyed.

"Do what?" I asked, smiling.

"Appear out of thin air?" She waved her hand around in the air, causing the keys to jingle and splash water everywhere.

"Bella, it's not my fault if you are exceptionally unobservant." I couldn't help but laugh at the obvious stress she was under trying to understand me. I figured now was a good time to ask her to let me drive her to Seattle. I'd feel much better knowing she was safe with me.

As if to change the subject she asked about the hold up in the parking lot the other day and why I was suddenly not pretending she didn't exist. I laughed, remembering the embarrassing situation I had put her in.

"That was for Tyler's sake. I had to give him his chance."

"You…" She flung her fist at me, jingling with keys, apparently at a loss for words.

"And I'm not pretending you don't exist."

"So you are trying to irritate me to death? Since Tyler's van didn't do the job?"

I was suddenly reminded of that time I almost lost her to Tyler's inept driving. I couldn't believe she still believed I regretted saving her that day.

"Bella, you are so absurd sometimes." I said.

She stared at me, trying to figure out her next move. She seemed to give up because she turned on her heel and began walking to school.

"Bella," I called, "wait!" She kept walking, though, but I wasn't going to be put off that easily.

I hurried so that I was next to her, matching my stride with hers. "I'm sorry, that was rude," I said. "But I'm not saying it isn't true…but it was rude to say."

"Why won't you leave me alone?" She said under her breath, avoiding eye contact with me and everyone else that began to stare at us.

"I wanted to ask you something, but you sidetracked me," I laughed. It felt so good to hear her voice and I kept picturing her last night, in her bed. She had asked me to stay, so here I was.

"Do you have a multiple personality disorder, or something?"

"You're doing it again." I said through gritted teeth.

She sighed, "Fine then. What do you want to ask me?"

Well, here was my chance. If I hadn't already completely blown my chance with her, her answer to my question would let me know. "I was wondering if, a week from Saturday—you know, the day of the spring dance—"

"Are you trying to be _funny_?" She demanded, apparently angry.

"Well you please allow me to finish?" I stopped her.

After she had calmed, I began again. "I heard you say you were going to Seattle that day, and I was wondering if you wanted a ride."

She looked shocked, her lips parted, unable to speak. "What?" She finally managed to say.

"Do you want a ride to Seattle?" I repeated.

"With who?" She looked around as if I was hiding a prospective date behind my back, or in my pocket.

Very slowly, so she wouldn't misunderstand, I said, "Myself, obviously."

I waited for her answer, thankful I didn't have the human tendencies to have an accelerated heart beat, or sweaty palms at times like these.

"Why?" She asked, confused.

"Well, I was planning to go to Seattle in the next few weeks, and, to be honest, I'm not sure you truck can make it." I figured that was a good enough excuse.

"My trucks works just fine." She said, defensively. "Thank you very much for your concern."

No, that wasn't how that conversation was supposed to go. Why couldn't she see the advantages of having me drive her? "But can you truck make it there on one tank of gas?" I offered.

"I don't see how that is any of your business."

"The wasting of finite resources is everyone's business." I pointed out.

She stopped and turned to me, not quite looking me in the eye. "Honestly, Edward," I felt such a thrill as she said my name. "I can't keep up with you. I thought you didn't want to be my friend."

"I said it would be better if we weren't friends," I corrected, "not that I didn't want to be."

"Oh, thanks," She said, exasperated, "now that's _all_ cleared up."

I tried to clarify. "It would be more…_prudent_ for you not to be my friend. I'm acting completely selfishly here and I'm tired of trying to stay away from you, Bella." She looked up into my eyes and for a moment I expected her to run from me, sensing the evil that was there. All the time we were talking her scent was flooding my senses. Part of me still wanted to taste her, to have her blood flood my mouth, but slowly I was beating that part into submission. Perhaps, right now when that feeling was overcrowding me, she would sense it and act responsibly for once. No matter how much I wished she wouldn't.

"Will you go with me to Seattle?" I asked again, wondering if she had forgotten the question.

There was a long pause and for a moment I was afraid she'd say no. She simply nodded her head and I couldn't help feel happy. I had succeeded where others had failed. Was I conceited enough to believe she preferred me to all the other boys at school?

"I'm glad." I said, truly, though I couldn't help but warn her, "You really _should_ stay away from me. I'll see you in class."

I turned quickly before she could recant and headed towards my first class


End file.
